Our nursery

This is from the Pottery Barn Kids catalogue.
Well before our dossier went to China I bought this baby bedding at Pottery Barn Kids. I loved it because it's so pretty and non-cutesy. Now that we're DTC we can start decorating the nursery... Very exciting!

The Birth Mother

Somewhere in China a woman is about to give birth to a baby girl (or girls) who will become our daughter/s. For no particular reason, we sense Kavanna is yet to be born (although sometimes I wonder if she's already here, but recently so). My thoughts wander to her birth mother, waiting to deliver her baby. Is she anxious with anticipation, knowing that if it's a girl she cannot keep her? In China it's illegal for doctors to reveal the gender of a baby to the mothers. Who is she, I wonder. A farmer, a factory worker, a student? Chances are she's married, as it's nearly unheard of for women to bear children out of wedlock. Is this her first child? Her last?

I imagine her feeling the kicks of her unborn child. She must feel the elation of a mother who feels life growing within her, and also the dread of knowing she cannot keep a girl baby. I wonder if she ever argues with her family about the fate of her unborn baby, vowing to keep her if she's a girl, or if she has submitted to the inevitable with a sense of helpless despair.

What will Kavanna's first hours or days be like? My hope is that in the brief time she is with her birth parents that she feels loved. I imagine them weeping as they say goodbye, kissing her and holding her tight, memorizing the feel of her. For them, that last touch must last a lifetime.

We will never know Kavanna's birth mother and father. And we will always be grateful to them for their sacrifice... and their gift to us.

Year Of The Dog

It's almost time for Chinese New Year. The year is 4704 and it's the Year Of The Dog. January 29, 2006 is the first day of the Chinese New Year. The Chinese calendar has been in continuous use for centuries, and predates the calendar we use, which back only about 425 years. The calendar measures time, from short durations of minutes and hours, to intervals of time measured in months, years and centuries, entirely based on the astronomical observations of the movement of the Sun, Moon and stars. It's a 15 day celebration that involves festivities, family and special food. We'll be celebrating with other waiting families at our local FCC Chapter celebration.

DTC - January 13th

This is a necklace that depicts "double joy" in Chinese characters. How appropriate! We got a call today from Natasha, our dossier consultant at GWCA - our dossier has been received from the consulate. It will be sent to China next Friday. Yes, Friday the 13th, but for us a very auspicious day!!

I want patience... and I want it NOW!

Lest anyone think that we're calm and collected about this interminable wait, we're not!!

Back in September we started this process and went into high gear, collecting documents, preparing our homestudy, subjecting ourselves to inspection from everyone from social workers to the Department of Homeland Security. Then came.... the BIG WAIT.

We waited for State Department approval (the 1-171H). Now we're waiting for the Chinese consulate to authenticate all our dossier paperwork. After we are DTC (dossier to China) we will wait for a LID (log in date) and then the clock officially starts ticking. By that time, it'll be ten times louder than any biological clock! The Chinese adoption affairs office is closing for two weeks at the end of this month, which means we may not get our LID until mid-February. With a referral rate that's now 9 months, and expected to increase to 10-12 months, we may not bring home Kavanna (et al, maybe) until Spring 2007.

I feel as if I've already been waiting for nearly two years. With each IVF treatment came the dreaded 2 week wait, to see if we were pregnant. Then there was the wait between ultrasounds to make sure everything was okay. Interminable!! At least this time the outcome will likely be positive and we will eventually bring home a baby (or two!). Still, since things can change without notice and there are no certainties, it's an emotionally grueling process.

The silver lining is that we've learned a lot about ourselves during this process. David and I got even closer during this last challenging year (adios 2005!). We learned we can depend on each other no matter what. I've also discovered that I am the Queen of Impatience (truly, I believe I take impatience to an elevated, and thus royal, degree).

It's a struggle to stay in the present and not be so future-focused. Hmmmm... it seems that Kavanna, whose name has to do with focus and purity of intention, is already teaching us (okay, mostly me) a thing or two.

More ladybugs!!

David and I went to dinner at a funky Italian place near Ariel's theater group, while she was in rehearsals. It's one of those inexpensive family restaurants with red plastic seats and murals of Sicily on the walls. Sort of down-market Italian-style Disneyland-eque. We had just ordered when something caught my eye. On the wall behind David was a wall full of Italian souveneirs... plus one glass square covered in painted ladybugs. Totally incongruous to the surroundings. We're hoping those ladybugs bring us luck!!

China pearls... or, purls....

Many orphanages (and homes, apartments, and shops, etc.) in China have no heat. Yes, you read that correctly. Many buildings are not equipped with central heating. As a result, thousands of babies and children suffer through cold winters without heat. They need warm clothing, and they don't have enough of that, either. I decided that I can do something to help. When I was six years old, my babysitter Hattie, taught me to knit and crochet. My goal is to knit/crochet a minimum of 100 warm hats and 100 scarves to donate to an orphanage when we travel to China. Maybe some for the nannies, too! Here are the few I've done so far... (the doll is a life-size baby doll that Ariel played with when she was a baby)... only 192 more pieces to go!!

We are expectant parents...

Ariel's mei mei (little sister) is somewhere in this "ultrasound" photo! And there's possibly a second me mei hiding in there, too.
This process feels a lot like pregnancy.
First trimester: The paperchase is the most difficult stage, filled with worry and anxiety. All that anxiety can also make you very queasy.
Second trimester: Once the dossier goes to China,we will enter a period of waiting and wondering what Kavanna (and Mikayla, if we're lucky enough to get twins) looks like, wondering what she'll be like, and preparing the nursery, oooohing and ahhhhing over baby clothes, stuff like that.
Third trimester: Once the referral comes we'll only have a couple of months to go and the waiting will be unbearable!!! When I was pregnant with Ariel, who was born in the beginning of January, the last months of the year seemed as long as summer vacation did when I was a kid. In other words, time slowed and each day went on forever.
Labor and Delivery: The trip to China will be like labor (only a lot more fun!) and then finally we'll meet our daughter or daughters!! Then we'll promptly forget the worry, queasiness, and waiting, because it will have been worth every moment!!!

Ladybug Luck

Ladybugs are a symbol of luck in many cultures (who knew?) and particularly in the Chinese adoption community. They are said to represent good luck, health and fortune. In adoption lore, it is said that ladybug sightings often precede a positive event, like sending a dossier to China or receiving a referral. A few days ago David spotted a ladybug keychain at a store, with hearts for its spots. He bought it for me as a gift. The next day (also his birthday, very auspicious) our agency told us that our dossier was being sent to the Chinese consulte for authentication, the very last step before it goes to China. This should take only a couple of weeks. We're almost there!!! Yay for ladybugs!!

Making a difference...

MEI MEI (Little Sister): PORTRAITS FROM A CHINESE ORPHANAGE, by Richard Bowen

This amazing, and alternately hopeful and heartbreaking book, was given to us by our friend Robin. All proceeds of this book go to Half The Sky, a charity that benefits Chinese orphans.

When we started sharing our adoption journey, many of our friends and family didn't really know much about the abandoned girls in China. Once they learned more about the plight of these girls, they expressed a wish to help but wondered, short of adoption, how could they make a difference? One way is by donating to a charity that helps these orphans. Our favorite charity is Half The Sky, which provides care and resources to girls throughout China by building and maintaining schools and daycare centers where the children build their educational and social skills. HTS also provides support for girls who are too old to be adopted (those past 5 rarely are adopted and at 14 they become ineligible for adoption) by training them for jobs so they have a chance at leading productive lives. Even a small donation will make a difference. In this season of giving, we hope you will include Half The Sky (donations are tax deductible). One person really can make a difference, trite but true!

$25 will pay for the gift of infant nurture or preschool education for a child for one month.
$50 will pay for the loving care of a HTS Nanny for one month.
$75 will pay the costs of private tutors for a HTS Big Sister.
$100 will buy a month's worth of art supplies for a HTS preschool.
$150 will pay the costs of documentation for an entire HTS preschool classroom for one month.
$200 or $250 will pay a HTS teacher's salary for one month.
$300 will sponsor a child.
$500 will fill a new HTS preschool with books and music.
$1,000 will build a lasting endowment.

Thank you, Madeleine!

Our friend Madeleine (who is 9 years old) gave this beautiful book to us. This is one of Maddy's favorite books and it is her personal copy. She wanted Kavanna to have the very book that belonged to her, not just another copy of the same book. She signed the inside cover and asked us to add Kavanna's name under hers. We can't wait to read it to Kavanna. We are so moved by Madeleine's very big heart!!!! What a beautiful gesture!

Animal Kingdom Adoption

Adoption can cross racial lines and even species lines! This is a baby hippo named Owen who was orphaned in the tsunami, sticking close to his new mommy (or possibly daddy... not sure which gender the tortoise is) . The 100 year old tortoise adopted Owen and they have been inseparable ever since. Awwww..... You can see another cuddly and cute picture of these two at Becca's blog, too!

Thanksgiving

This has been a real rollercoaster of a year - a year of loss and disappointment, and a year of new beginnings and accomplishments - and as it draws to a close, we are definitely thankful for all we have and all we have to look forward to next year and beyond. We celebrated Thanksgiving with our wonderful friends Wendy, Jonathan and Madeleine, and their family. Then we went to Santa Barbara for a short vacation at Bacara, which was everything we hoped it would be - beautiful, calm, relaxing, and fun. David and Ariel hung out at the pool... they met a baby orangutan who was visiting the Children's Program... and Nina read books and got some spa treatments. Ahhhhh, the stress melted away....

We came home to find the I-171-H in our mailbox!!!!!!!! The final piece of paperwork to complete our paperchase. Today we notarized it and sent it to our Great Wall China Adoption liason. She'll have it certified and authenticated, and then we'll be DTC (dossier to China)!!! It's hard to believe the paperwork is complete. Next step, DTC... then LID (log in date, in China) and then the wait officially begins.

Families With Children From China

Yesterday we attended our first FCC (Families with Children From China) event, a ceremony to honor both new arrivals and waiting families, like us. We drove to West L.A., not knowing quite what to expect. We parked in the church parking lot and saw many other families arriving, families of all sizes and ethnicities, but with one thing in common - at least one child was Chinese. I felt a whole new world begin to open up. One day, that would be our family.
As soon as we walked in, we were welcomed by wonderful, friendly Susan, who helped organize the event. She introduced Ariel to her son, Zach, who's the same age. Soon the two kids were busy selling snacks for the fundraiser. There were many older children with Chinese siblings, several girls who were around 8-9 years old, and a ton of the most precious, adorable babies.
When it was time for the ceremony, we all gathered in the church. New arrivals were on the left, waiting families on the right. There were so many new arrivals that some of them spilled over to our side. In the pew in front of us, a baby named Mia began to smile and wave to us. She was fascinated by Ariel's "bracelets" (they were actually ponytail holders) and Ariel gave them to her. Mia was absolutely beautiful and clearly happy. Her parents told us Mia has a 13 year old sister and a 10 year old brother at home. Ariel was thrilled to realize there will be lots of families like ours, once Kavanna comes home.
Each family was given a red candle. The new arrivals were greeted and honored... Then it was time for the waiting families to step forward... We lit our candles with the candle flames of the families with new arrivals... It was very beautiful and heartwarming.

China has recently extended the referral time from six months to 10-12 months, which means that instead of traveling to China next Fall, we may not go until 2007. We're definitely being challenged to learn patience (this for someone who's motto could easily be "I want to learn patience and I want it NOW"). I comfort myself with the knowledge that one day we will among those families of new arrivals... I imagine Ariel lighting a candle of welcome and us holding Kavanna in our arms. It may not happen on our timeframe - yesterday - but it will happen!!

Being Thankful

For her smile, a gift on the occasions of waking, returning home, saying goodnight.

For her laugh, a radiance of bells.

For her courage, to take the fears of others and make them into paths home.

For her insight, never keener than when turned on herself.

For her resilience, from which she made a home for all our hearts.

For her beauty - she's cra-zee beautiful.

For her brownies. 'Nuff said.

For her flannel pajamas, sexy just because she's in 'em.

For her good-morning emails, like a hug across the miles.

For her head on my shoulder when she's falling asleep.

For her hand on my leg when we're driving.

For her silent I love you over Ariel's head at the movies.

For her.


Wherever you are right now, one day, Kavanna, you will be thankful for her too.

The CCAA requires some family photos for the dossier. These are just a couple of the photos we're sending them. We can't wait until we're a family of four (or more!).

The longest wait...

Recently the CCAA (China's adoption affairs agency) changed the wait time for adoptions from 6 months to 10-12 months. It feels as if the headstone should read: These are the bones of someone who's been waiting... and waiting... and waiting for their adoption referral... !!!!!
We had a fun, scary, sugary Halloween. Ariel carved the pumpkin all by herself.

Bye, bye koi

Goodbye, koi... We inherited the koi when we bought a house with a huge koi pond. They're really cool, for fish... they recognize people, and they have personalities... but when I looked at them only one word came to mind. Sushi.

So the koi are gone... yummy! No, just kidding!!! They went to a new pond and now they're hanging out with dozens of new fish friends. We're razing the pond and putting sod over it (it's 30 feet long!!) to make a bigger lawn. Kavanna will get more use out of a bigger lawn than a koi pond.

HOME STUDY COMPLETE!!

Our home study is finished and we are approved to adopt a baby girl or baby girl twins!! Yayyyyyy!!! Next step, sending the completed home study to the CIS (Citizen and Immigration Service, formerly the INS) and awaiting our 1-71 approval form. After that our dossier is sent to China and we await our LID (log in date), which is when the clock starts officially ticking. We're very excited to have our official approval, which brings us one step closer to Kavanna...

Learning to speak Chinese...

November already! I can hardly believe it's almost 2006. Goals for next year: 1) finish paperwork, 2) transform the office into a nursery 3) learn to speak (some) Chinese and 4) bring Kavanna home!! Well, we're almost finished with our paperwork and our plans for the nursery are moving forward, so...... it's time to tackle a new language. Since our new daughter will know only Chinese (and we're gambling that she'll understand Mandarin, not Cantonese) it will be nice to be able to actually communicate with her. Languages are not my thing at all (unless the ability to curse - mildly - in five different languages counts?!!) so we anticipate a huge challenge. We don't expect to be able to read the language - we'll be happy if we can speak and understand basic Mandarin by the time we're in China.

Some facts about the Chinese language:

It is the oldest written language on record, believed to date to the 2nd millennium B.C..

Over 1.2 billion people speak some form of Chinese - the dialects include Mandarin, Cantonese, Taiwanese and other regional dialects based on these main languages. Writing found on turtle shells from the Shang dynasty (1500-950 B.C.) are the same as that found in modern China.

Chinese is written with characters - each one represents a syllable of spoken Chinese, but also has a meaning. Each character is comprised of between one and 64 strokes. The writing system is open-ended, so there is literally no limit to the number of characters. The largest Chinese dictionaries include about 56,000 characters, but most of them are archaic and/or obscure. To read most magazines or newspapers, you need to know about 3,000 characters. To read literature, you need to know twice that. To increase literacy, the government has simplified about 2,000 characters.

Spoken Chinese is also challenging. Mandarin has about 1700 possible syllables, as compared to over 8,000 in English. Therefore, many sounds may sound the same but have different meanings.


再见 玩得高兴
(goodbye, have a nice day)