A cyber-handshake to our visitors...

Hello, out there! Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you! Thank you for reading our blog and sharing this journey with us. Most of you are on the same rollercoaster ride to our children in China and some of you are just stopping by to catch up. Whoever you are, please take a moment and leave a comment. We get a lot of hits every day but people rarely leave comments, and we'd love to know who's visiting. Thanks so much!!

Nine Month Anniversary

Today is the nine month anniversary of our LID. We've been "paperwork pregnant" for a full term. Apparently, however, that nine month term only applies to human mothers. Elephants have a typical gestation period of 22 months, the longest pregnancy of any mammal. I've always liked elephants. As a child, the Babar books were particular favorites of mine. I once spent an afternoon getting to know an orphaned elephant who had been rescued from Africa. I helped to bathe her, rode on her back and pried her trunk off my bracelet (and the tip of an elephant's trunk is extremely agile - she could literally pinch the bracelet; clearly she had good taste in jewelery!). At one time I even collected elephants. Yes, I love elephants. But geez, I never wanted to identify with them!!

The elephant in the photo is pregnant. Look at her, bulging with her calf, probably wondering when this ordeal will be over and yearning to nuzzle her baby. I imagine she's grumpy and tired, and just wants this pregnancy over with, already, for her limbo to come to an end. She's probably tired of carrying around that extra weight.

I feel her pain!! Only I'm tired of the extra "wait"!!

Congratulations...

...to all the families who referred their referrals on Thursday and finally got to see the faces of their children. We're really thrilled for our neighbor and RQ buddy, Dee and her husband, who are looking forward to bringing their adorable baby Amy home!

Boo!!

HALLOWEEN 2005 FLAPPER
























HALLOWEEN 2006
BALLERINA GONE WRONG
Note the black rose!

















































What a difference a year makes!! Our baby is growing up so fast. I'm thrilled that she's still into Halloween and thinks it's fun. She may look like the near-teen that she is, but she's still got some little-kid in her!

Last year I still had the hope (oh, the naivete) that Kavanna would be here for this Halloween. That would have been a treat, wouldn't it?! This year I just hope we'll have our referral by next Halloween, and even that seems overly optimistic.

Face it, I just hope we get Kavanna home before Ariel goes to college!!

On the couch...

I wonder if the workers at the CCAA have any idea the extent to which so many people are trying to figure them out. There seem to be a variety of different takes on the psychology of the CCAA. Here are a few I've extrapolated from various sites and posts:

Power Trippers They are on a huge power trip and enjoy wreaking emotional chaos on the waiting families. They want things done their way or not at all. They gleefuly plan new ways of thwarting the families. In one country they will say the wait will be 14 months; three days later they will predict a 24 month wait. Then they sit back and laugh. Example: "If you really want a child from China, you'll wait as long as it take and you won't complain. Any complaints out of you and we'll deem you an unfit parent! Heh, heh, heh..."

Fear & Loathing: They don't want to do anything to upset their bosses for fear of displeasing them and falling out of favor. They will ignore their own needs (more workers, more space, more technology) and not make a move or have an independent thought. They are in the grip of a monumental paralysis. Example: "We're doing the best we can. Last November the orphanages suddenly emptied and there are no more children. Domestic adoption has taken off like wildfire and there are no more children. Isn't it wonderful?"

Making Nice: They will tell you what you want to hear for fear of upsetting you. They smile a lot and make comfortable predictions so that you won't get angry. They just hate people to be angry, especially with them. Example: "Your LID is February? Oh, you'll definitely get a referral by April at the latest, absolutely. Count on it. You have our word." (notice they don't say which April?)

I believe we need to let go of these viewpoints and take on a more balanced viewpoint.

Or.... a more balanced view: Let's say the CCAA is no different from your average corporate division. They have something that people want and are willing to pay for, and the manner in which they do business governs both how their customer base views them, and how they are viewed internally by those responsible for their raises, promotions, etc. Who to please first, or best?

Look at it this way: this wouldn't be the first time a business division (the CCAA, as a part of "the corporation," i.e. the Chinese government) was running smoothly under its division leader. That leader gets his or her coveted promotion, to a bigger division. They hand leadership off to the next person in line (who probably earned it because of political connection or achievement in a yet smaller division). At the same time, they inform the division that it is now responsible for a whole new set of responsibilities, such as domestic adoption, and more. That new person doesn't have the expertise, vision, or loyalty among the rank-and-file to pull it off. And the slowdown begins. It's hard to believe that in the space of a couple of months there was a dramatic slowdown in abandonments, or that the economic boom in China trickled down to the provinces (it hasn't).

We believe the CCAA is doing its best, considering all these changes. We hate the lengthening wait, but we are grateful for the opportunity to adopt a child from China and we will love her always.

Somewhere in China...

Mei is another child we're sponsoring through Love Without Boundaries (as little as $10 per month sponsors a child's education). She's in kindergarten, and I love this photo of her working so intently, focusing on her writing. We and other families are waiting for our babies and children, but due to her age, Mei will likely never find a forever family and may never know that half a world away another family cares about her and is watching her grow up... Look at that weathered, almost makeshift desk. Such a contrast to the bright clothes she's wearing, and to the colorful shirt of the child behind her. In the midst of all that gray, a splash of color, of life, of hope. Study hard, Mei.

Tango!

So David and I are learning to tango... And it's so much fun! I have a newfound appreciation for dancers who can make the tango look so effortless. We're a bit more on the jerky and uncertain side at this point (Ariel burst into gales of laughter when we showed her our moves) but we're having a blast. Might as well do this sort of thing while we can, right!?

We're also learning to swing (dance, that is!!) and may even venture into the rhumba!

Ole! Okay, that may be more for bullfighting but it just seemed to fit, as we feel like the proverbial bull in a china shop on that dance floor, narrowly missing other couples and bumping into our instructor.

8 MONTHS LID

Eight months since our LID! Part of me feels good about this: Yes! Fantastic! Great! We're making progress!. Another part of me feels decided sour: Big friggin' whoop... Eight months is a drop of water in the proverbial bucket ( and I need that bucket to emotionally puke my impatience with this process, and purge the frustration) ... We may have another 20+ months to go... By the time we get our referral and travel to China, a snail could have crawled the length of this football field.

The unhappy truth is, Kavanna is becoming less real to me. When we first sent our dossier to China, I could easily imagine what it would be like to hold her and kiss her. I saw myself changing diapers, comforting her cries, watching her smile, hearing her talk. I imagined David pushing the baby jogger and being a great daddy, very attentive and caring. When I told people, excitedly, "We're adopting from China," she was real to me/us.

Now, she seems less like a person and more like a very faraway concept. I feel as if I'm on a treadmill, walking and walking and getting nowhere. The sound of a baby's laughter is getting dimmer in my mind.

Take a closer look...

I am completely smitten with Frances and usually only look at her chubbylicious face and take in her overall cuteypieness. By the way, Frances is about to celebrate her first birthday, and her dossier has been with the CCAA since April. She's in foster care and I wonder why she hasn't been adopted yet? Very mystifying. But I digress.... Today I looked past Frances to her surroundings. She's sitting on a worn, tattered chair. This is China and they don't know about "shabby chic" decor. It isn't a fashion statement - it's one very used and broken-in/broken-down chair. The concrete floor and the patched wall behind her gives some more clues about her living situation. It breaks my heart to see this. The economic boom in China is affecting the few, not the many. As far as Frances is concerned, her foster family appears to adore her and I believe she gets an abundance of love... but that chair and that wall are a reality check.

Frances!

This is Frances, one of the two foster children we're sponsoring through Love Without Boundaries. She's 10.5 months old and so adorable and precious. According to the social worker report, she's also lively, smart and happy. Everyone in her foster family loves her (what's not to love??!!) and her favorite food is noodles. Ooooh, I wish I could scoop her up to hug and kiss her. What a cutie!

New Friends...

Last weekend we met our new friend Dee for coffee... but first we met on the Rumor Queen website, got in touch, and it turned out we lived only a few miles apart!! Dee and her husband are waiting for their daughter Amy. Their LID is 8/24/05, so they're getting close!

Of course, nobody knows what to expect from the CCAA. Rumors are swirling again. They're going to refer seven days! They'll refer two weeks! They'll get through August! (hope so, for Dee's sake). But truly it's just a guessing game.

Right now, the closest thing we have to a crystal ball is the FORECASTER. Check it out if you want some idea of when your referral may arrive. (warning: best taken straight with a martini chaser).

See Yuan See! (part II)

Five months ago we helped to sponsor Yuan's eye surgery through the wonderful organization Love Without Boundaries. I'm thrilled to report that she has had her cataracts removed and her sight restored! There are dozens of other children at LWB's website in need of help. Please, take a moment to see their faces and read their stories. You can make a difference!

ANNIVERSARY

Today is the seven month anniversary of our LID! It's also the one year anniversary of Great Wall China Adoption officially accepting us into the adoption program. We started on this journey exactly one year ago. And how did we spend this momentous occasion? How else? We waited in line for three and a half hours at the USCIS. The building was beyond capacity so we had to wait half an hour lined up outside, standing in the direct, hot sunlight. Then we got to move inside where we were directed into seats by the soldiers - er, civil servants who work at the USCIS. These guys get a real kick out of telling people what to do and what not to do. They may have received their training in Iraq. At a detention center. I'm serious.

After that lovely experience was behind us, we went to the doctor and got our remaining Hep. A and Hep. B shots. Ahhhh, good times.

And you know what? It was a truly great day. We could actually DO SOMETHING that made us feel we were getting closer to our daughter in China. We're coming, Kavanna!!

EXTENDING THE I-171H

EXTENDING THE I-171H!! Even if you're just starting the process, this bill may affect you!!

Currently the I-171H expires after 18 months. There's a bill in Congress that seeks to extend it to two years. The House will reconvene after Labor Day, so it's important to contact the members of the Judiciary House Committee on Immigration and urge each of them to push this bill through. Unless the bill passes this Committee, it will never get any further. The House members on this Committee are located here:
http://judiciary.house.gov/committeestructure.aspx?committee=4

I just emailed everyone on the subcommittee, and hopefully if lots of you will do so as well. Together, we can effect some change!! This is what I wrote:

My husband and I are writing to request your support for the Helping Families Adopt Orphans Act(SB HR5888). The I-171H is currently valid for 18 months but for those of us adopting from China, the wait has doubled and is continue to lengthen, requiring us to re-do this paperwork, a considerable financial burden ($2500-3000 for some of us, given that we also have to renew our homestudy). Extending the I-171H to two years would help thousands of families across the country, as well as keep the already backlogged USCIS from the burden of having to renew all the paperwork. We urge your support for this legislation! Sincerely,

Feel free to cut and paste this message on your emails. Emailing the entire subcommittee only takes about 15 minutes. I urge everyone to write the members of this subcommittee and help get that bill passed!!

How Will You Use The Wait????

I've been in a world class FUNK for a while now. My mind (and heart) has been swirling with all kinds of egregiously dark thoughts and feelings. Look up "down in the dumps" and you'll see my photo.

Basically, I've been wallowing about in exquisite agony. Fine, if I were a character in a Jane Austen novel. But is it appropriate for a woman in the 21st century? Not so much.

Today I just decided to snap the hell out of it. I'm going to use this time productively 'cause when Kavanna comes home I won't have the luxury of doing... well, much of anything, probably. So here's my plan: (in no particular order)

1. Clean out the garage. We have a three car garage that presently fits one vehicle. That's just not right! We've lived here nearly two years. It's time. And I have time.

2. Finish my novel. I have 273 pages completed. I'm close to the finish line and it's time to get this bad boy done.

3. Complete our backyard renovation aka get rid of the frigging koi pond, which is now minus fish (and water, and no, we didn't eat them - although they always looked like sushi to me) but still a monstrosity that takes up too much of our yard.

4. Take a dance class with my husband. Ah, the tango... I picture me in a dress with a plunging neckline, lots of eyeliner, a smoke-filled room (okay, scratch that, it's Los Angeles and nobody smokes), red lipstick and my dashing handsome husband sweeping me across the dance floor... So much more fun than wallowing.

5. Take an oil painting class. Always wanted to do that.

That's how I'm going to use my time during this wait. What about you out there in cyberland? How are you going to make the best of this wait???

Back from Chicago!

We're back from a wonderful visit to David's parents in Chicago. I'm lucky enough to have the world's best in-laws and we all had a great visit. We walked down Michigan Avenue to the Art Institute and soaked in its impressive Impressionist Collection. David and I may be the only people who were disappointed in the Musee D'Orsay in Paris; its collection is simply not comparable to that at the Chicago Art Institute. I could look at a Renoir painting for hours; his paintings are so alive and evocative, and they make me happy.

The last day of our trip we took Lori's dog for a walk... from a distance we saw what looked like a dad with an Asian daughter. I blinked my eyes and looked again. Was I seeing things? Or were all dark-haired kids starting to look Asian to me? Nope, I had seen exactly what I thought I'd seen, a dad and his Chinese daughter out for a stroll. Her name was Hannah and she came home in April... she was absolutely precious.

Someday, we told ourselves afterwards. Someday that will be us.

When? asks a little voice in my head, growing louder. WHEN???? WHEN??

That little voice is good at asking questions but it's horribly silent when it comes to answers!

Congratulations, Ariel!

Ariel performed in six shows of Fiddler On The Roof over the course of four days. She did two shows a day on the weekend (just like Broadway!). We are so proud of her dedication and great attitude. Ariel, you were a wonderful "Hodel" (the pretty middle daughter who runs off to Siberia with the guy from Starsky & Hutch)... Our friends Marty, Andy and his mom "Shirl the Girl" joined in the celebration after the final show. Good times!!!

12 Step Program

Hello, my name is Nina and I am addicted to the Rumor Queen Website.

I admit that I am powerless over this website. I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself and admitted to my Higher Power, to myself and to others that I do not have the ability to stay away from the site, although I know it is bad for me (especially when I read that the wait may extend to t-t-t-three years).

I know I have harmed my friends and family by fretting incessantly over the rumors I find on the RQ Site. I am willing to make amends to them all (and I'll get right on that, just after I check the site again for the 100th time this week... er, today).

We're six months into the wait. Or as I prefer to put it, we're in our seventh month! Total regression time in terms of this countdown. Remember being a little kid and insisting, "I'm not six years old - I'm six and a quarter!" Yes, that extra quarter (or in our case, two days) make all the difference in the world.

A more adult voice in my head says, "Yes, but are we halfway into the wait? Or a quarter of the way into the wait? Or...." (in a dark, highly doubtful tone, naturally)

And then I clap my hands over my ears, stick out my tongue and shout, "Shut up!"

Yin & Yang

This week has been about finding balance. Some of my states of mind over the past several days: happiness for all the families who received their referrals and now have seen their babies... dejection because the wait seems interminable and the idea of welcoming a new daughter into our lives seemed like a mirage in the desert of my imagination (okay, the worst, most dreadful metaphor ever but somehow it captures my feelings of desperation and deprivation).

In other words this week was the best of times and the worst of times (apologies to Charles Dickens). I figured I'd either take to my bed like some Victorian heroine and pull the covers over my head for the next 8/12/18 months or find some way to reconcile these feelings. I began to reflect on the idea of balance between opposite feelings.

So here (courtesy of Wikepedia) is some information on yin and yang, the Chinese philosophy of balance in the universe:

Yin and yang are opposites. Everything has its opposite—although this is never absolute, only relative. No one thing is completely yin or completely yang. Each contains the seed of its opposite. For example, winter can turn into summer; "what goes up must come down".

Yin and yang are interdependent. One cannot exist without the other. For example, day cannot exist without night. Light cannot exist without darkness.

Yin and yang are usually held in balance—as one increases, the other decreases.

Yin and yang can transform into one another. At a particular stage, yin can transform into yang and vice versa. For example, night changes into day; warmth cools; life changes to death. However this transformation is relative too. Night and day coexist on Earth at the same time when shown from space.

Part of yin is in yang and part of yang is in yin. The dots in each serve as a reminder that there are always traces of one in the other. For example, there is always light within the dark (e.g., the stars at night); these qualities are never completely one or the other.