contemplating conspicious consumption

With rumors flying about referrals through mid-November, I'm allowing myself the luxury of pondering some baby-related purchases. As in, maybe... starting... to possibly... consider that these items may one day, in the future (mid-2008??) be part of our daily lives. Here's my wish list. I'm in love with Stokke products. These photos don't quite do justice to the real thing, both of which are way cool.

This baby needs help!

Look at that face and that smile! This adorable three month baby girl needs surgery that can help her live a normal, healthy life. We just donated to her surgery fund and hope that you will also donate to Love Without Boundaries to help her or one of the many other children who are in need of medical help. You can read more about her here or at the Love Without Boundaries website. It does not take a lot of money to make a huge difference in a child's life. If everyone who visited this site last week gave $20, the surgery would be paid for.

I hesitated to use our site as a way to solicit donations, ultimately felt it was the right thing to do. Thanks for helping!

15 Month LID Anniversary

Whoo-hooo. Or is it, boo-hoo?

We are anticipating our referral in ten months. We've basically been saying this the entire time we've been waiting. No matter how much time passes, we are still ten months away from referral, a year away from welcoming Kavanna into our family. It's like some surreal Twilight Zone episode.

I decided not to put my life on hold. I just applied to a doctoral program that starts in September. Watch, the speed-up will happen just as I'm about to start classes (presuming I get accepted, that is!).

Change is good

When Ariel was nine years old she went through a goth stage (yes, she's always been ahead of her time) and I let her dye her hair blue. Just my personal belief, but think it's good for kids to express their individuality. As long as it's not a permanent thing like a tattoo, no harm done. She also got the goth thing out of her system early. A few weeks ago we saw a punked-out teenager at the mall and Ariel whispered to me, "Been there, done that... when I was ten!" When she's a teenager she'll probably rebel by doing something really radical, like...

Become a Republican! (a la Alex Keaton in Family Ties, if anyone remembers that old show)

She recently decided to color her hair a deep red. Here's the result. Now her hair fits her feisty personality!!

What will she look like?

Hi, my name is Nina and I am NOT addicted to the China Adopt Talk site. Yes, I have conquered my addiction to the Rumor Queen. It is just not healthy for me to be on that site. Reading the posts causes anxiety, depression and triggers feelings of helplessness. Basically, RQ is bad for my emotional health and I've gone cold turkey. You know how addictions have a tendancy to transfer? There's a joke that AA meetings are filled with chain-smoking people drinking cup after cup of coffee or post-bariatric patients get addicted to shopping. Well, I've transfered my addiction as well: I am now addicted to family adoption websites. I can spend hours on My Adoption Website or The Story of You (see sidebar for link at your own risk!). It got me wondering what Kavanna will look like, what part of China will she be from, what will her temperment be... and of course, WHEN WILL WE MEET HER? (Ooops, I digress. Clearly I'm still suffering from post-RQ emotional trauma.) Kind of like any pregnancy... you think about your baby... this is just a different kind of pregnancy, which someday will be over. Talk about overdue!!

Fourteen Month LID Anniversary

Yesterday, April 6th, was our fourteen month LID anniversary. The CCAA will likely only refer two days of referrals this month. This is the worst referral cycle in memory. Or history? I'm giving up my hope that we'll be in China in December. At this point, I'm just hoping to get there before Ariel goes to college. And she's thirteen.

Agghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Mac Attack!

Well, after a lifetime of being loyal to PC, we have gone to the other side. Apple, that is. Mac. One of the cool things about it is the photo booth. Ariel and I made the best of that feature! We can't wait to be posting photos from China!!

updating profile

So, I need to post this photo to the blog in order to create a link for a new profile photo. The current one we have is a year old and I hate my hair in that photo. Yes, there it is, I'm confessing total cyberspace vanity. This is a better hair photo and therefore worthy of public viewing.

Changing blogger photos is suddenly much more important than cleaning the mountains of dog hair that appeared overnight in our home. Seriously, my dog's shedding hair could fill a king-size mattress in a matter of hours. I hate cleaning up dog hair. Hence, the sudden obsession with changing the profile.

Is it wrong to hate cleaning dog hair but also long to change diapers? I mean, really LOOK FORWARD to changing diapers?

Happy, happy day

Our homestudy update is (almost complete). YAYYYYYYY!!!! We were dreading it, as we mistakenly thought we'd have to do a whole new paperchase from the beginning. Turns out that's not the case. We sent copies of all our forms to the USCIS plus a hefty check (I've gotten used to those hefty checks - between the adoption and the bat mitzvah, we're parting with some serious moolah), and our social worker came to do the homestudy update and that's it. We have our physicals next week but aside from that, we're done.

Does a little voice in my head worry about the physicals? Am I afraid to "count my chickens"? As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac I confess I'm always worried about what might happen. So far, all that worry has gotten me nothing but post-stay-up-all-night-worrying fatigue. I'm trying a new tactic: only worry when there's something to worry about.

What a concept! So for now, I'm happy.

We figure we'll see Kavanna's face in about seven months. Seems like it's eons away. And it also seems as if it's right around the corner.

The face of Judaism

All my life people have told me I don't look Jewish. I always borrow from Gloria Steinham and tell them, "This is what Jewish looks like." (When Gloria Steinham was 40 years old people were amazed at how great she looked and she famously said, "This is what 40 looks like.") Even other Jews buy into the stereotype: when I took my blonde haired and blue-eyed daughter to visit my grandmother at the Jewish Home for the Aged, lots of people asked my grandmother if I had been adopted (hmmmm, ironic in retrospect).

The reality is, I am the face of Judaism. And so is the girl pictured above, Cecelia Nealon-Shapiro, celebrating her bat mitzvah recently. She was born Fu Qian in a Chinese province and was once of the first American children adopted from China. You can read more about her story in a recent New York Times article.

We're preparing for Ariel's bat mitzvah in a couple of months. In 12-13 years we'll be preparing for another one, for our Jewish Chinese daughter, who along with her blue-eyed sister will sustain the traditions of thousands of years. Today we got an appeal from our synogogue to help sponsor Ethiopian Jews in Israel.

My grandmother passed away when Ariel was a baby, so she'll never get a chance to meet Kavanna. If I could do it over again, I'd tell her cohorts at the Home for the Aged that Judiasm has no color. Cecelia Nealon-Shapiro is proof of that. So are the Ethiopian Jews. So am I. And so is Ariel.

I loved reading Cecelia's story. It is the story of love, of identity, and in a way it is the story of all Americans.

Have great weekends, everyone.

Double Happiness

Seriously, how cute??

13 Month LID Anniversary

13 months LID... wow... It's also the 18 month anniversary since we officially started this process (GWCA formally accepted us on September 6, 2005).

I haven't been posting as much, lately. Partly because I've been very busy with my private practice and planning Ariel's bat mitzvah. Partly because I've had a crisis of....hmmm, what do you call it if you're a secular person... a crisis of faith? Belief? Trust?

I've debated whether or not to post on the site, but maybe I'm not the only one who's experienced these feelings. Either way, I'm putting it out there into cyberspace. Last week I was gripped by a sudden and overwhelming fear. Our life is basically perfect as it is... we have an amazing daughter, professions that are meaningful, time to write (our creative outlets)... what if adding another child messes everything up? What if instead of adding to our lives, she sucks the life out of us? What if we're making a terrible mistake?

I felt stuck. Scared. Horrified by these thoughts, even as I knew I had to explore them.

After talking with David and really thinking about it, I recognized these fears for what they are: normal. I remember having the same worries when I was pregnant with Ariel. Now, when I look at her, when we talk, when I consider how my universe opened up the moment she was born, how I can't actually remember what life was like before her... I can only smile at my fears.

So now I'm feeling more balanced about everything, looking forward to Kavanna's arrival (when??) but recognizing that it's okay to feel a spectrum of feelings about adding to our family.

Whew, what a rollercoaster ride.

Awwww....

As a member of the "Precious Pandas" I thought I'd start sharing more panda photos... How cute is this one??!!

We saw our friends Dee and Damien today. Their daughter Amy has been home with them for two months. She's absolutely precious!! We can't wait for playdates later this year (thinking very optimistically).

Ladybug Sighting!

As I was crossing a parking lot last Thursday, something flew into my eye and started fluttering around my eyelashes. This was quite a feat, as I was wearing sunglasses at the time. I blinked, took off my shades, and swatted the offending bug off my eye.

It fell to the ground. For some reason I glanced over and saw... it was a ladybug!! It flew off immediately.

Ladybugs are probably just a sign of Spring... but Spring is a time of renewal and of babies (at least for all the bunnies and ducks in our neighborhood), so I took it as a hopeful sign that Kavanna is on her way.

February 6 - One Year LID Anniversary

Our first year anniversary of our LID was February 6th. So why am I writing about it three days later? Well, the truth is that this momentous day came and went with barely a passing thought. At one point I said, "Hey, you know what day it is?"

David sighed. "Yeah. One year."

We nodded in unison. I said, "Can you believe it?"

We just left it at that. We weren't in a mood to... well, what does one do for this day? Celebrate? We didn't feel much like celebrating. Yeah, it's a milestone and yes, each day brings us closer to Referral Day and travel to China. That's good, I guess.

The truth is, we just weren't too excited about this anniversary. We acknowledged it and moved on with our lives.

Kind of sums up how life has been in this long wait. We probably have another eight months before referral, and that's if we're lucky. We're committed to being in the moment, and not living for the future. Right now, that feels right.

Not sure how I got to this zen place or how long I'll stay here. Next cappuccino will probably change everything!!

WHOO-HOOOOO, OUT OF REVIEW!!!

Congratulations to all the families who got referrals - and to those of us who are FINALLY out of the Review Room!! What a relief!

Panda Madness!

I can't remember the last time I was so knocked out by a flu bug (thanks to everyone for the nice messages). I'm knocked out in a different way by these adorable pandas! Enjoy the unbelievable cuteness!!

Cyber Chicken Soup

I'm a walking commercial for Nyquil. Coughing, stuffy head, running nose, sore throat, achy muscles and miserable. Plus laryngitis. Ugh. Chicken soup is supposed to have magical healing properties and I am in need of a few gallons.

LID Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to us. David says, "This is one anniversary I hope never to celebrate again."

On the other hand, each day brings us a little closer.

On the other hand, it still sucks.

Looking on the bright side, I'm just happy that we have four months of LIDs ahead of us and not fifteen. Yeah, I'm a half-full kind of person. I'm working harder on it than usual, though.

Congratulations to everyone who recently got a referral. What a wonderful way to start off the year!

Is this your daughter?

This is "Frances", the baby we have sponsored through Love Without Boundaries since last May. She was born November 2, 2005 in the Laibin province and has been in foster care most of her life. Recently we were told that she had been adopted. We'd love to let her family know what a joy it's been for us to follow her journey to her forever family. She's a delightful and beautiful baby, and we will always hold a place for her in our hearts. If she is your daughter and you feel comfortable, please email us and say hello.