HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year from our family to yours!!!!!!! Whether this is the year you meet your daughter in China, or this is a year of waiting and anticipating, we wish you much peace and joy. Happy 2007!!

Movie Madness

Recently someone asked me, "What do Jewish people do at Christmas?" Well, assuming that Chanukah is over (or Hanukah - hey, no wonder we have so much division in our people; we can't even agree on the spelling of this holiday!) there is just one thing to do: go to the movies! Over last weekend we saw a lot of movies. I was struck by the disconnect between the reviews I'd read about various and my experience of them, so I decided to write my own reviews.

MOVIES IN THEATERS:

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: The reviews were not promising. One reviewer described this movie as "two hours of hell" and another dismissed its frenetic pace. Maybe because I was expecting dreck, I was pleasantly surprised by this film. It's very original and at times even sweet. A delightful family movie for all ages. Normally I find Robin Williams to be frenetic and over-the-top, but he was very good in this movie, as was Owen Wilson.

BLOOD DIAMOND: The reviews panned this movie as "preachy" and slow, and disdained the fact that white Jennifer Connelly comes in to save the black man from a terrible fate. Huh? What movie did they see? This movie was not preachy, nor is it slow - it's called character development, people! I had heard about conflict diamonds but did not know much about the situation in Africa. This film is an eye-opening and riveting account of civil war in Sierra Leone, and its effect on one family. It's partly a thriller, partly an expose on the machinations of some diamond merchants and partly about a man's struggle with his conscience. The acting was solid. I was totally caught up in the story (except for a couple of times when I had to surpress the urge to reach into the screen and pluck Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows). I definitely recommend this film. I have a different view of diamonds, now.

THE HOLIDAY: What can I say? Cameron Diaz is adorable and had great clothes. Jude Law is sexy in that slightly self-deprecating way the British do so well (Hugh Grant has passed the baton on that one). Kate Winslet is a terrific actress. Jack Black is great as always. Holidays are about escape and this is pure escapism.

MOVIES ON TIVO:

KEEPING UP WITH THE STEINS: If you've ever planned a bar mitzvah, you will laugh. If you've ever been to a bar/bat mitzvah, you will laugh. More importantly, if you have a family, you will laugh. This is an original coming-of-age story about a 13 year old boy who tries to reconnect his grandfather (a hilarious Garry Marshall) with his father (Jeremy Piven). Darryl Hannah and the rest of the cast is great. I recommend this sweet, funny movie.

THE TRANSPORTER 2: Ridiculous in plot, cardboard characters, yet absurdly and strangely watchable. This movie defines the term "mind candy". A lot of fun - especially if you like over-the-top action.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: After two attempts to sit through Troy, I gave up on historical dramas and never saw this when it was in theaters. Too bad, because this film stands apart from the drivel that was Troy. Although not a perfect film (at some points it is difficult to follow) Kingdom of Heaven is interesting, with some strong characters and a story that may be about the Crusades but also has relevence today, drawing parallels between the Crusades and our war in Iraq. Plus, Orlando Bloom is not hard to watch.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

No matter what you celebrate or where you are in the world (and in the wait), we wish you a peaceful, joyful holiday!!

Out of computer hell

Okay, two years with Adelphia cable and no problemo whatsoever. Then Time-Warner takes over and it's computer hell for days. Or rather, internet-connection hell. But now I'm ba-a-a-a-c-k!! Speaking of connections (the non-technological kind), last week I visted with Abbey, who is absolutely precious. Her mom, Christi, is head-over-heels over her and I am, too. Abbey is a delight: sweet, active, smart, funny. Adorable!! We met Christi at an FCC event a year ago, and now she finally has her baby. I also met a cyberfriend in person and made a new friend, Dianne, who is waiting for Sophie. Some other new friends, Dee and Damien, are leaving on Friday for China, and they'll be coming home with Amy. I can't wait for the day that our kids are all playing together and this wait will be a thing of the past!!

Ten Month LID Anniversary!!

Today is our ten month LID anniversary. So what the hell does that mean? Are we halfway to referral? A third? More? Less? I'm trying not to think too much about it. I'm stepping off the rollercoaster. Well, one foot is still firmly planted in that rollercoaster (the part that visits the Rumor Queen site regularly, by which I mean daily, multiple times, but who's counting?!). The other foot is dangling somewhere in mid-air looking for a place to land. Sometimes it lands in the Land of Whatever-Who-Cares-Anymore and sometimes in the Land of Goody-Goody-We're-Getting-Closer. Ah, it's enough to give a girl emotional whiplash.

Then there's the whole hormonal thing. It's a cosmic joke that PMS and pregnancy feel so much the same, at least in the beginning. Every month there's some part of me that wonders if some bizarre National Inquirer-type of miracle has occured and those cramps and sore stripper boobs mean that I'm pregnant. Weirder still is my mixed excitement and dread at this possibility, which always ends with an equally bizarre mix of relief and disappointment when I'm not.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Or is it just that I'm so freaking weird? And why am I surprised that my emotions are all over the map? After all, I'm ten months (paperwork) pregnant!!

Referrals!

Referrals are here! The CCAA has sent referrals for families logged in between August 26 and September 8, 2005. Congratulations to all the parents who are seeing their children's faces for the first time! We are so thrilled for you!

Gratitude

Mmmmmm.... mashed potatoes... good!!















Happy on Thanksgiving Day!
















Our good friends Rob and Greg, and Grandma Lori, David's mom, on Thanksgiving!



You'd never know it from these photos, but Ariel had strep throat over Thanksgiving week. She's better, now (thanks to the miracle of antibiotics) so I'm most grateful for her health, and ours. It's a terrible feeling to see your baby sick, no matter how old she is!

I hope to feel grateful every day, not just the third Thursday of November. I'm so grateful for my daughter Ariel, who is my miracle and constantly amazes me with her intelligence, zaniness, talent and compassion... for my husband David, who made me believe in the concept of soulmates, and is my true b'sherit (Hebrew for intended one, destined one, loved one)... for my friends... for my psychotherapy practice, which gives me the chance to help other people transform their lives and is both challenging and rewarding... for all our my many blessings.

Although there are heartaches in our world, especially the emotional loss of my parents, who have chosen not to participate in our lives for reasons of their own, I choose to focus on what we have, not what we don't have. I am working through my losses, and staying focused on the positive.

Hope everyone in the U.S. had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving isn't officially for another week, but it's never too soon to start reflecting on the spirit of Thanksgiving. To me, that's about gratitude, and also about remembering that people from different cultures can come together in harmony. Which, of course, seems like a fitting allegory for Chinese adoption (of course, now that adopting from China is on my mental radar, it seems that so much of life is a reminder of this journey... ever notice that?)

I've always felt there was something beautiful about the story of Thanksgiving; that the Pilgrims and the Native Americans were able to share a day of bounty and thanks is a lesson that has such contemporary implications. In a time when people seek to connect to their specific cultural roots (African Americans, Asian Americans, Jewish Americans, et al) it's easy to feel all too separate and divided. In truth we are both - we are products of our diverse heritages, and we are also all (at least in the U.S.) Americans - and for those of us adopting from China, it may be a challenge to incorporate those differences within our families. Or so I anticipate, as at this point it's all conjecture. But sometimes I really do wonder what I can expect in raising a Jewish Chinese American daughter! Thanksgiving Day is a reminder that we're all part of a greater identity, as members of the human race.

Thanksgiving is above all a day of giving thanks for what we have - a timely reminder at this time that shall one day be known as The Longest Wait, when the focus can often be on what we don't have (our children!!). I'll be writing about gratitude in a different post.

A cyber-handshake to our visitors...

Hello, out there! Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you! Thank you for reading our blog and sharing this journey with us. Most of you are on the same rollercoaster ride to our children in China and some of you are just stopping by to catch up. Whoever you are, please take a moment and leave a comment. We get a lot of hits every day but people rarely leave comments, and we'd love to know who's visiting. Thanks so much!!

Nine Month Anniversary

Today is the nine month anniversary of our LID. We've been "paperwork pregnant" for a full term. Apparently, however, that nine month term only applies to human mothers. Elephants have a typical gestation period of 22 months, the longest pregnancy of any mammal. I've always liked elephants. As a child, the Babar books were particular favorites of mine. I once spent an afternoon getting to know an orphaned elephant who had been rescued from Africa. I helped to bathe her, rode on her back and pried her trunk off my bracelet (and the tip of an elephant's trunk is extremely agile - she could literally pinch the bracelet; clearly she had good taste in jewelery!). At one time I even collected elephants. Yes, I love elephants. But geez, I never wanted to identify with them!!

The elephant in the photo is pregnant. Look at her, bulging with her calf, probably wondering when this ordeal will be over and yearning to nuzzle her baby. I imagine she's grumpy and tired, and just wants this pregnancy over with, already, for her limbo to come to an end. She's probably tired of carrying around that extra weight.

I feel her pain!! Only I'm tired of the extra "wait"!!

Congratulations...

...to all the families who referred their referrals on Thursday and finally got to see the faces of their children. We're really thrilled for our neighbor and RQ buddy, Dee and her husband, who are looking forward to bringing their adorable baby Amy home!

Boo!!

HALLOWEEN 2005 FLAPPER
























HALLOWEEN 2006
BALLERINA GONE WRONG
Note the black rose!

















































What a difference a year makes!! Our baby is growing up so fast. I'm thrilled that she's still into Halloween and thinks it's fun. She may look like the near-teen that she is, but she's still got some little-kid in her!

Last year I still had the hope (oh, the naivete) that Kavanna would be here for this Halloween. That would have been a treat, wouldn't it?! This year I just hope we'll have our referral by next Halloween, and even that seems overly optimistic.

Face it, I just hope we get Kavanna home before Ariel goes to college!!

On the couch...

I wonder if the workers at the CCAA have any idea the extent to which so many people are trying to figure them out. There seem to be a variety of different takes on the psychology of the CCAA. Here are a few I've extrapolated from various sites and posts:

Power Trippers They are on a huge power trip and enjoy wreaking emotional chaos on the waiting families. They want things done their way or not at all. They gleefuly plan new ways of thwarting the families. In one country they will say the wait will be 14 months; three days later they will predict a 24 month wait. Then they sit back and laugh. Example: "If you really want a child from China, you'll wait as long as it take and you won't complain. Any complaints out of you and we'll deem you an unfit parent! Heh, heh, heh..."

Fear & Loathing: They don't want to do anything to upset their bosses for fear of displeasing them and falling out of favor. They will ignore their own needs (more workers, more space, more technology) and not make a move or have an independent thought. They are in the grip of a monumental paralysis. Example: "We're doing the best we can. Last November the orphanages suddenly emptied and there are no more children. Domestic adoption has taken off like wildfire and there are no more children. Isn't it wonderful?"

Making Nice: They will tell you what you want to hear for fear of upsetting you. They smile a lot and make comfortable predictions so that you won't get angry. They just hate people to be angry, especially with them. Example: "Your LID is February? Oh, you'll definitely get a referral by April at the latest, absolutely. Count on it. You have our word." (notice they don't say which April?)

I believe we need to let go of these viewpoints and take on a more balanced viewpoint.

Or.... a more balanced view: Let's say the CCAA is no different from your average corporate division. They have something that people want and are willing to pay for, and the manner in which they do business governs both how their customer base views them, and how they are viewed internally by those responsible for their raises, promotions, etc. Who to please first, or best?

Look at it this way: this wouldn't be the first time a business division (the CCAA, as a part of "the corporation," i.e. the Chinese government) was running smoothly under its division leader. That leader gets his or her coveted promotion, to a bigger division. They hand leadership off to the next person in line (who probably earned it because of political connection or achievement in a yet smaller division). At the same time, they inform the division that it is now responsible for a whole new set of responsibilities, such as domestic adoption, and more. That new person doesn't have the expertise, vision, or loyalty among the rank-and-file to pull it off. And the slowdown begins. It's hard to believe that in the space of a couple of months there was a dramatic slowdown in abandonments, or that the economic boom in China trickled down to the provinces (it hasn't).

We believe the CCAA is doing its best, considering all these changes. We hate the lengthening wait, but we are grateful for the opportunity to adopt a child from China and we will love her always.

Somewhere in China...

Mei is another child we're sponsoring through Love Without Boundaries (as little as $10 per month sponsors a child's education). She's in kindergarten, and I love this photo of her working so intently, focusing on her writing. We and other families are waiting for our babies and children, but due to her age, Mei will likely never find a forever family and may never know that half a world away another family cares about her and is watching her grow up... Look at that weathered, almost makeshift desk. Such a contrast to the bright clothes she's wearing, and to the colorful shirt of the child behind her. In the midst of all that gray, a splash of color, of life, of hope. Study hard, Mei.

Tango!

So David and I are learning to tango... And it's so much fun! I have a newfound appreciation for dancers who can make the tango look so effortless. We're a bit more on the jerky and uncertain side at this point (Ariel burst into gales of laughter when we showed her our moves) but we're having a blast. Might as well do this sort of thing while we can, right!?

We're also learning to swing (dance, that is!!) and may even venture into the rhumba!

Ole! Okay, that may be more for bullfighting but it just seemed to fit, as we feel like the proverbial bull in a china shop on that dance floor, narrowly missing other couples and bumping into our instructor.

8 MONTHS LID

Eight months since our LID! Part of me feels good about this: Yes! Fantastic! Great! We're making progress!. Another part of me feels decided sour: Big friggin' whoop... Eight months is a drop of water in the proverbial bucket ( and I need that bucket to emotionally puke my impatience with this process, and purge the frustration) ... We may have another 20+ months to go... By the time we get our referral and travel to China, a snail could have crawled the length of this football field.

The unhappy truth is, Kavanna is becoming less real to me. When we first sent our dossier to China, I could easily imagine what it would be like to hold her and kiss her. I saw myself changing diapers, comforting her cries, watching her smile, hearing her talk. I imagined David pushing the baby jogger and being a great daddy, very attentive and caring. When I told people, excitedly, "We're adopting from China," she was real to me/us.

Now, she seems less like a person and more like a very faraway concept. I feel as if I'm on a treadmill, walking and walking and getting nowhere. The sound of a baby's laughter is getting dimmer in my mind.

Take a closer look...

I am completely smitten with Frances and usually only look at her chubbylicious face and take in her overall cuteypieness. By the way, Frances is about to celebrate her first birthday, and her dossier has been with the CCAA since April. She's in foster care and I wonder why she hasn't been adopted yet? Very mystifying. But I digress.... Today I looked past Frances to her surroundings. She's sitting on a worn, tattered chair. This is China and they don't know about "shabby chic" decor. It isn't a fashion statement - it's one very used and broken-in/broken-down chair. The concrete floor and the patched wall behind her gives some more clues about her living situation. It breaks my heart to see this. The economic boom in China is affecting the few, not the many. As far as Frances is concerned, her foster family appears to adore her and I believe she gets an abundance of love... but that chair and that wall are a reality check.

Frances!

This is Frances, one of the two foster children we're sponsoring through Love Without Boundaries. She's 10.5 months old and so adorable and precious. According to the social worker report, she's also lively, smart and happy. Everyone in her foster family loves her (what's not to love??!!) and her favorite food is noodles. Ooooh, I wish I could scoop her up to hug and kiss her. What a cutie!

New Friends...

Last weekend we met our new friend Dee for coffee... but first we met on the Rumor Queen website, got in touch, and it turned out we lived only a few miles apart!! Dee and her husband are waiting for their daughter Amy. Their LID is 8/24/05, so they're getting close!

Of course, nobody knows what to expect from the CCAA. Rumors are swirling again. They're going to refer seven days! They'll refer two weeks! They'll get through August! (hope so, for Dee's sake). But truly it's just a guessing game.

Right now, the closest thing we have to a crystal ball is the FORECASTER. Check it out if you want some idea of when your referral may arrive. (warning: best taken straight with a martini chaser).

See Yuan See! (part II)

Five months ago we helped to sponsor Yuan's eye surgery through the wonderful organization Love Without Boundaries. I'm thrilled to report that she has had her cataracts removed and her sight restored! There are dozens of other children at LWB's website in need of help. Please, take a moment to see their faces and read their stories. You can make a difference!