Am I crazy, or what?

I've always planned to go back to school to get a doctorate in psychoanalysis. At some point during this long wait I decided not to put my life on hold and applied. Today I found out that I was accepted into the program. Classes are only once a week, and David will work from home on the day that I'm in school so that Ariel and Kavanna (when she arrives) will always have a parent. I'll have to juggle raising a teenager and (next year) a baby with being in analysis four times a week (the mainstay of psychoanalysis) and my private practice, but I can do it!!

I admit to feelings of guilt about this decision. I've waited so long for Kavanna. Shouldn't I drop everything and be her mom 24 hours a day, which I did for Ariel? Or can I be a different kind of mom? The difference between raising Ariel and raising Kavanna is David, who will be there, and wants to be there, and is is a true partner as a parent.

Do I sound as if I'm trying to talk myself into something? Maybe.

Can women have it all? Can men? I'd like to think so. You tell me: am I crazy, or what?

A new life for Ying!

Several weeks ago this baby, Ying, needed two surgeries before she had even a hope of leading a normal life. I'm thrilled to report that Ying's first surgery was successful and she does not need a second surgery!! She is going to grow up to be healthy (and she's clearly already happy).

Look at how cute she is! A huge THANKS to everyone who helped make this possible.

If you'd like to help other babies and children like Ying, please check out the Love Without Boundaries website. Even a donation of $10 a month can make a difference!

18 month LID anniversary

This is a dove of peace, which is Rosie's idea... I love the idea of spreading the spirit of peace around the world!

Yes, it's been eighteen months since we were logged in, and 24 months since the day we contacted Great Wall China Adoption agency. Time flies when you're.... um, waiting?

In Judaism, the number 18 signifies "chai" or "life", so today we're celebrating and cherishing the lives we have, and looking forward to the life that will be coming into our hearts next year.

(next year, yeah!!)

I want to thank everyone who posted their support and understanding for the loss of our dog Roy. I don't know how to express this without sounding trite, but your words and sentiments were so meaningful to me (and us) and so healing. Thank you so very much for helping our family through this difficult time!

Goodbye, old friend...

Roy came into our lives unexpectedly. Eleven years ago Ariel and I went to the mall, where there happened to be a dog adoption event hosted by the local pound. All the dogs were getting tons of attention... all but one, a skinny, trembling Shephard/Lab mix named (by the people at the shelter) Elroy. If he did not get adopted that day, he was headed for puppy heaven the next. It didn't look good. He was a street dog who'd been attacked by other dogs, and by life. His ear had been torn in half. Huge patches of fur were missing. He smelled terrible.

Ariel headed straight for him. She was two years old and she knew what she wanted. She wanted Roy. I had not expected to bring another dog into our home... but I did.

And so he came into our lives and we grew to love this shy, anxious, and incredibly sweet soul. His boundless energy gave way to a slower pace. He loved to lie on plush, soft spaces. He echewed the back yard. I think he had enough of the outdoors while he was living on the streets. He loved to lie on the couch and rest. He followed us wherever we went, a faithful furry shadow.

In the last couple of years he slowed down. He lost 20 lbs. He developed a limp. He could no longer jump onto the couch. He's been on all kinds of medications, none of which slowed his decline. He grew confused. He peed on a guest and seemed oblivious to what he was doing. There were times when I was really frustrated with him, which made me feel really guilty. On Monday he could no longer get up or walk, so we knew it was time to let him go.

I have never had to put a dog to sleep and it was a terrible experience. David, Ariel and I petted him and I kissed his head. We said goodbye as the vet injected the medication and cried as Roy took his last breaths.

I miss the clatter of his paws on our wood floors. I miss his constant presence, his soulful gaze. The silence in our house is deafening.

Au revoir, Roy.

How Cute Are These Outfits??

My friend Di is making good use of her time during The Wait. She's designing and creating these adorable and unique baby clothes. They are so unique and adorable. I can't wait to see Kavanna wearing a Di (as opposed to Dior) original. Check out more of her creations here. You can also visit her blog and say hello!

Phone Home In Style (from China or anywhere)

So the day has finally come for me to get internet access on the go. I went to look at Blackberrys, which seem way to complicated. The screen is kind of small and hard to read. The keyboard is small and weird. So we left T-Mobile and went to the Apple store to check out the new iPhones.

(sound of heavens parting and angels singing)

This phone is so amazing it (almost) defies description. I'm not usually into gadgets or high-tech anything. In fact, I'm a little bit of an analog person in a digital world.

Until now. I love this phone. Seriously.

I covet this phone. I'm sure a new, even better model is going to come out in a few months, and then I shall have it!! If you haven't seen an actual iPhone yet, go into your local Apple store and see for yourself.

And no, I do not own Apple stock, nor do I work for Apple. I'm just a sucker for ... er, consumer of... new and amazing technology.

Seventeen Month LID Anniversary

No matter how long we wait, we seem to be stuck in this weird Groundhog Day-like existence where our referral is always about a year away. Today I'm in a slightly optimistic mood and I'm predicting a possible referral as early as March or as late as June. Perhaps we've broken the spell?

Congratulations to all the parents who are getting to see the faces of their children. I love Referral Time!!

Where Is Ariel?? She's Home!!!!!

Scooters in Italy are what bicycles are in China!




Swinging on a park in Italy. A Ferrari tire, perhaps?






"Ahhh, the gelato was so good I had to sit down!"














How cute! (And those Smart Cars are cute, too!)

Update!

Thanks to everyone for helping this baby's surgery funded. I'm thrilled to report the money was raised and she'll be getting her first surgery this week. I'll keep you posted.

Where in the world is Ariel?

Ariel is in Italy with her sperm donor... er, biological father. He doesn't spend much time with her during the year. He doesn't help with homework or drive her places she needs to go. He's too busy doing important things like directing television. He does, however, sweep her off to Italy for adventure (if I sound sarcastic and resentful it's because I am). Right now Ariel is having lots of fun seeing the sights, shopping, and practicing her Italian. I'm thrilled for her but I miss her.

I really miss her.

David and I changed the SIM card in her phone and made it local to Italy, so she can make and take calls from her cell phone at local Italian rates. I don't know if that's possible for China but we plan on finding out.

Ciao for now.

16 month LID anniversary

Sweet sixteen? Hardly! Thinking optimistically, and cautiously, we believe have more time behind us in this wait than we do ahead of us.

And congratulations to all the families who are receiving referrals this week!! I'm thrilled for you all. Envious (I admit it!!) but very happy for you.

Why Can't People Be Nice?

I posted this on RQ (yes, I am a lapsed addict but only to post on the "blowing off steam" column) and got so many positive and supportive responses that I thought I'd post it here, too. In case you've had a similar experience, you are not alone!!

I'm acquainted with a woman who adopted a precious baby from China about 2.5 years ago. She waited six months for her daughter. I run into her every few months and she always asks how things are going with the adoption. Last time I told her what the CCAA said in Australia about the wait increasing to 36 months.

She smiled (SMILED!!!) and said, "Oh, it will never go that long." (very condescending tone, too)

I said, "It took about four months just to get through October and November is bigger. The last two referrals have been for six days and two days respectively."

She said, "Where are you getting your information?" (said somewhat arrogantly)

I told her I'm on various sites on-line and very much aware of what was going on in the Chinese adoption community. The whole time I had this horrible feeling of having to DEFEND myself.

Then she said, "Well, it definitely won't go that long, but when you get your daughter you won't even remember the wait." (smugly)And then she scooped up her daughter and left.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I felt so helpless and so dismissed. She completely invalidated my feelings about the wait, and even dismissed the idea that it is growing to ridiculous lengths each month.

Is it too much for someone to say, "Wow, I'm sorry you are having to wait so long. That must be really tough."

Seriously. What is up with this kind of insensitivity? I expect more from people who've been on this rollercoaster and it seems particularly egregious when they let me down and seemingly have no sympathy or even understanding.

Just my personal rant. Thanks for listening!

contemplating conspicious consumption

With rumors flying about referrals through mid-November, I'm allowing myself the luxury of pondering some baby-related purchases. As in, maybe... starting... to possibly... consider that these items may one day, in the future (mid-2008??) be part of our daily lives. Here's my wish list. I'm in love with Stokke products. These photos don't quite do justice to the real thing, both of which are way cool.

This baby needs help!

Look at that face and that smile! This adorable three month baby girl needs surgery that can help her live a normal, healthy life. We just donated to her surgery fund and hope that you will also donate to Love Without Boundaries to help her or one of the many other children who are in need of medical help. You can read more about her here or at the Love Without Boundaries website. It does not take a lot of money to make a huge difference in a child's life. If everyone who visited this site last week gave $20, the surgery would be paid for.

I hesitated to use our site as a way to solicit donations, ultimately felt it was the right thing to do. Thanks for helping!

15 Month LID Anniversary

Whoo-hooo. Or is it, boo-hoo?

We are anticipating our referral in ten months. We've basically been saying this the entire time we've been waiting. No matter how much time passes, we are still ten months away from referral, a year away from welcoming Kavanna into our family. It's like some surreal Twilight Zone episode.

I decided not to put my life on hold. I just applied to a doctoral program that starts in September. Watch, the speed-up will happen just as I'm about to start classes (presuming I get accepted, that is!).

Change is good

When Ariel was nine years old she went through a goth stage (yes, she's always been ahead of her time) and I let her dye her hair blue. Just my personal belief, but think it's good for kids to express their individuality. As long as it's not a permanent thing like a tattoo, no harm done. She also got the goth thing out of her system early. A few weeks ago we saw a punked-out teenager at the mall and Ariel whispered to me, "Been there, done that... when I was ten!" When she's a teenager she'll probably rebel by doing something really radical, like...

Become a Republican! (a la Alex Keaton in Family Ties, if anyone remembers that old show)

She recently decided to color her hair a deep red. Here's the result. Now her hair fits her feisty personality!!

What will she look like?

Hi, my name is Nina and I am NOT addicted to the China Adopt Talk site. Yes, I have conquered my addiction to the Rumor Queen. It is just not healthy for me to be on that site. Reading the posts causes anxiety, depression and triggers feelings of helplessness. Basically, RQ is bad for my emotional health and I've gone cold turkey. You know how addictions have a tendancy to transfer? There's a joke that AA meetings are filled with chain-smoking people drinking cup after cup of coffee or post-bariatric patients get addicted to shopping. Well, I've transfered my addiction as well: I am now addicted to family adoption websites. I can spend hours on My Adoption Website or The Story of You (see sidebar for link at your own risk!). It got me wondering what Kavanna will look like, what part of China will she be from, what will her temperment be... and of course, WHEN WILL WE MEET HER? (Ooops, I digress. Clearly I'm still suffering from post-RQ emotional trauma.) Kind of like any pregnancy... you think about your baby... this is just a different kind of pregnancy, which someday will be over. Talk about overdue!!

Fourteen Month LID Anniversary

Yesterday, April 6th, was our fourteen month LID anniversary. The CCAA will likely only refer two days of referrals this month. This is the worst referral cycle in memory. Or history? I'm giving up my hope that we'll be in China in December. At this point, I'm just hoping to get there before Ariel goes to college. And she's thirteen.

Agghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Mac Attack!

Well, after a lifetime of being loyal to PC, we have gone to the other side. Apple, that is. Mac. One of the cool things about it is the photo booth. Ariel and I made the best of that feature! We can't wait to be posting photos from China!!

updating profile

So, I need to post this photo to the blog in order to create a link for a new profile photo. The current one we have is a year old and I hate my hair in that photo. Yes, there it is, I'm confessing total cyberspace vanity. This is a better hair photo and therefore worthy of public viewing.

Changing blogger photos is suddenly much more important than cleaning the mountains of dog hair that appeared overnight in our home. Seriously, my dog's shedding hair could fill a king-size mattress in a matter of hours. I hate cleaning up dog hair. Hence, the sudden obsession with changing the profile.

Is it wrong to hate cleaning dog hair but also long to change diapers? I mean, really LOOK FORWARD to changing diapers?