I've hit the wall...

They say that marathon runners routinely hit "the wall", that moment in the race when it seems impossible to go on. Your lungs feel seared, your legs feel like jello, and your will to even one step farther droops like a wilted flower. Now, I'm no marathon runner. Before embarking on this adoption, the closest I get to marathon anything is my incredible endurance when it comes to shopping for clothes... But I know about the wall. And I've hit it. Hard.

The finish line seems really distant. I feel as if the more I press forward, the farther away the finish line has become. My spirit is sagging like that wilted flower.

Mind you, I'm not giving up the race. I'm staying in the race, difficult as it feels. But wow, this is tough.

Write USCIS Director Gonzales!!

Want to save $2000-3500??? Write the USCIS Director Gonzales to let him know about the hardship posed by renewing the I-171H. You can write him here:

Here's what I wrote:

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby from China. Our I-171H expires May 2007 and, due to the increasing wait times for Chinese adoption, it is probable that we will have to renew the I-171H at a considerable expense (approximately $3500).

My question is, what can you do to help my family and the thousands of other families who find themselves in this predicament? There is a precedent for I-171H to be extended (during the SARS outbreak, for instance) and I/we are hopeful that your office can once again extend the I-171H.

It is my understanding that the effective period of the I-171H is structured to protect the children. However, and as I'm sure you would agree, it is highly improbable that families would suddenly act in contravention of the law during the wait period for a highly anticipated and blessed event. If someone has not broken the law prior to going through the grueling process of obtaining a I-171H, it is highly improbable that they would do so while waiting to adopt a child and expand their family.

Extending the I-171H would in fact be in a child's best interest, since the expense of the renewal would pay a significant portion of child care and would forestall parents' needing to return to work, losing valuable attachment time. For these reasons, extending the effective period of the I-171H is in the children's best interest.

Thank you for your attention. I look forward to hearing from you.

What a ride!

Referrals are picking up! Referrals are slowing down!

On a recent visit to Australia the CCAA officials told people to expect 12 month referrals!

The Australian government then told people this was not true and the wait was expected to be 18 months!

The CCAA is moving and it won't affect business at all! The CCAA will be closing down due to the move!

People are being rejected in the Review Room for medical reasons. People are being rejected because they're left-handed (okay, that one's not true but it's getting to feel like it's heading in that direction).

I have emotional whiplash. I feel like the person in the rollercoaster, hanging on for dear life.

Someone on a message board asked me for my thoughts before the Australian statement. These were my thoughts:

I do not think the rumors of 18+ months are true. First of all, the CCAA has stated that they wish to keep the wait to 12-13 months and for them to miss that by such a huge margin would be tremendously embarrassing to them. They would lose a lot of "face" which from a cultural perspective is huge, and I don't think they'd put themselves in that kind of a situation. In the past, they put quotas into place, which they have not done so far, and that bodes well, I think.

One reason for the current slowdown was the huge number of dossiers in April, May and June 05. The months after that continue to have smaller numbers of LIDs, even if November is big (still not as big as June) and they should be able to get through those faster. Although domestic adoption in China is no doubt on the rise, it is not a signficant factor in terms of the slowdown. The Chinese have a bias against adoption and it is still prohibitively expensive for most people. The economic boom has hardly trickled down to the outer provinces/agricultural areas. These people live in near poverty. Also, from what I've heard, Chinese prefer to adopt slightly older toddlers, not babies.

Second, 7-8 orphanages in Hunan were closed for a year once the Hunan scandal broke. The orphanages started publishing finding ads in April, which means those babies will be paper-ready in October or November, and there will thus be an influx of available babies at that time, not a decrease.

I believe the CCAA could not keep up the 6 month referral time due to a variety of factors but mostly supply (decreased due to Hunan situation and possibly due to other factors) and demand (waaayyyyy more people wanting to adopt from China). The 12 month timeframe is more realistic. I believe the wait will go to about 14-15 months and then speed up in October/November.

I really think/hope these agencies who are fueling the 2 year rumors are doing so without direct knowledge and just extrapolating what's been happening with referrals for the past several months and projecting those number into the future.

I was so sure of myself when I wrote this back in the hopeful days of yesteryear... oh, wait, that was two days ago. I don't know what to think anymore. What about you? Thoughts are welcome!!

I've been tagged!!

Okay, I'll admit it... when I was tagged, I groaned internally. Normally I like making these kinds of lists about as much as I like the thought of playing with snakes (which is to say, not at all!). But having done it, I'm glad I did. Kind of an interesting exercise...

Things I'd like to do before I die:
Become a mom again
Write and publish a novel (or more)
Get my PhD in clinical psychology
Go on an African safari
See the pyramids
Learn Mandarin
Learn French

Things I cannot do well:
Cook
Math
Tolerate ignorance/selfishness/cruelty
Ignore rude drivers
Keep my garage organized
Gardening
Deal with bureaucracy

Things I can do:
Empathize
Love
Laugh heartily
Bake brownies
Write
Knit/crochet
Put together an outfit
Be loyal
Be tenacious

Things that attracted me to my husband:
Intelligence
Wit
Insight into himself and others
Humor
Sensitivity
Compassion
Warmth
Those incredible blue eyes
The amazing bond he had with Ariel
The fact that he's a hottie didn't hurt, either!!

Books I love:
Any novel that features Sherlock Holmes, written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or not
To Kill A Mockingbird
The Scarlet Pimpernel
Most of Ian Fleming's James Bond novels
Nearly everything Raymond Chandler wrote
Nearly everything Dashiell Hammett wrote
Nearly everything Ross Macdonald wrote
Nearly everything Agatha Christie wrote
The Eight
The Agony and the Ecstasy

Movies I love:
North By Northwest
Rear Window
Rebecca
To Catch A Thief
Vertigo
Dial M For Murder
Charade
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Lethal Weapon I & II
Beverly Hills Cop
48 Hours
La Femme Nikita

Rent!

Ariel's biggest passion in life is musical theater (She said to me recently, "Mom, theater is my life. I mean it!!"). She's spending her summer in theater camp preparing for an upcoming production and has gone swimming only a couple of times this summer - a mark of true dedication, considering what a little fish she is. David mentioned her dedication and passion to a friend who's working with the producer of Rent, and asked if we could perhaps get an autograph from one of the leads, knowing that would thrill Ariel beyond measure. A few weeks later the cast and crew of "Rent" (the touring cast) sent a coffee table book all about Rent, signed by each of them, with personalized notes to Ariel. She was stunned and amazed, as were we.

Sometimes people go the extra mile for no other reason than it will bring a smile to a child's face and delight to her heart. Thank you to the touring company of "Rent"!!

Five Months Since LID!

Yesterday was the five month anniversary of our LID. That means we're officially in our sixth month of waiting! Yeah! Yay! In some ways that five months has seemed like a very long time. Yet it also seems to have gone by fairly quickly.

One question has kept popping into my mind during this time (not, "What is the meaning of the universe?"... not, "Is it possibly to care any less about Jennifer Aniston's state of mind? (really, Jen, you're not the only woman in the world who's gotten divorced, and jeez I'm sick of hearing about you)"... not even, "Why would anyone eat candy that doesn't involve chocolate?").

The question is: has Kavanna been born yet?

I always had the sense that she had not been born. In the last couple of weeks, however, I definitely had a different feeling. So here's my psychic prediction: I believe Kavanna was born in late June.

Which brings me to your psychic predictions about our LID. According to the last poll, 45% of you think we'd get our referral next April and 55% think it will be June. Pretty close. My secret (well, not anymore) fantasy is that the CCAA catches up in the Fall. The September batch of LIDs is relatively small, as is December and January. Plus, the Hunan orphanages will once again have paper ready children ready for adoption around October/November.

So my second psychic prediction is: the wait will go to 14-15 months or so and then catch up, keeping the wait to around 12-13 months, which means a referral for us in February/March.

Of course, I thought Superman would tank, so what do I know?!! (that was before I saw it, and it was a lot of fun)

Thank you, Mei Ling!!

Last week I came home to a package from my wonderful new friend Mei Ling. Inside were some absolutely beautiful and thoughtful gifts: the most gorgeous pink photo album, a really cool and unique photo album for Ariel (it opens like an accordion and it's made in Hong Kong), a book on experiences in China and a sachet and heart-shaped soap. We absolutely love our gifts. I found it especially thoughtful that there was a special present just for Ariel. Sometimes people focus so much on the new baby that they forget there's a big girl in the house, and even a 12 year old can feel left out.

THANK YOU, Mei Ling, for your generosity, sensitivity and great taste!!

Happy Fourth of July

Whatever your political orientation or leanings, whatever you think of this country's leadership (using the term loosely, and now you know where I stand) I'm proud to live in a country where we have the freedom to express ourselves in blogs like this one... the freedom to disagree... the right to free speech... where people from all over the world, even China, are welcome to become citizens. Happy 4th of July!

Politically incorrect

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU MAY BE OFFENDED BY A DISCUSSION OF GENDER PREFERENCES!

Congratulations again to all the families who received a referral this week!! That said, this referral cycle has created a whole new area of fear and worry for me (as if it's not enough to worry about getting through the review room, or to obsess about the wait). The new worry has to do with the relatively high number of boy referrals, some of whom went to families who expressly asked only for a girl.

Here's where the politically incorrect thing comes in. I posted a question on the Rumor Queen's site asking what happens if you get a boy referral and turn it down. Someone wrote in saying she was "shocked" (shocked, I tell you!) that I or anybody else could even imagine turning down a referral, suggesting that I should take what was given to me and be grateful.

Okay, here's the thing: I want another daughter. I want a girl and only a girl. I do not want a boy, for various reasons that I won't go into right now and really aren't relevent. To be honest, I was actually worried about having a boy when I was pregnant last summer, as horrible as that may sound. I like girls. I "get" girls. I adore girls (this is the same thing my friend B. said to her parents when she came out to them but that's a whole other story...). I truly ONLY want a girl and I'm now worried that we'll get a boy.

It does not escape me that my preference for a girl is ironic in the face of the Chinese preference for boys, cultural factors notwithstanding.

I truly and absolutely have my heart set on another daughter. David and I both feel strongly about adding a girl to our family. I don't think I could accept a referral for a boy. That's how strongly I feel about this issue. Are we alone in this? Anyone else feel this way?

GREAT NEWS ABOUT REFERRALS!! Sometimes it seems as if this wait is just some interminable... well, wait. No end in sight. For the lucky LIDs of June 16-28th 2005, that wait is about to end. Congratulations to all the families who will be receiving their referrals next week. We can't wait to see the referral photos of all the new additions!

Is it just me, or do does anyone else feel something shifting in the air? For the past several months (otherwise known as The Great Slowdown of 06) I have felt as if the wait was always stretching farther away, that as soon as we got a month closer, the time frame extended to another yet-impossible to believe length. Now I have hope again that the CCAA will manage to keep the wait to 12-14 months and we'll see Kavanna's face sometime next Spring.

Hope springs eternal, I guess!! In the meantime, congratulations again to this referral group!!

Say Cheese!

Here's Ariel with our new friends Mai Ling and Gale. We first met in cyberspace (in the RQ's forum - thank you, Rumor Queen!) and got to meet in person this weekend. Their LID is close to ours, so we're hoping to be in China together next year!! We had so much fun meeting them and their friends. We can't wait to see them again!!



David and Nina in ancient Egypt... and for those who might notice that Nina and Ariel are wearing the same shirt, a strange thing has happened in our household. Ariel, who has a closet overflowing with clothes (overflowing onto the carpet, her bathroom floor, to such an extent that we now suspect her clothes may be dividing like amoebas and multiplying nightly, which explains the ever expanding nature of the overall pile) has no interest in her clothes. She likes Nina's clothes. She fits into Nina's clothes. Nina must now put some of her clothes onto the floor and hope they multiply so she can grow her wardrobe to keep up with Ariel!!


They did facial tattoos of snakes in Ancient Egypt. Who knew?!


Ariel and Stephanie at their booth...



My beautiful ancient Egyptian....

Ni Hao!

Ni Hao! Ni Hao-ma! Hello! How are you? Our family is learning to speak Mandarin. Surprisingly, it's not as difficult as anticipated, maybe because it's very logical. Of course, it's also challenging (ie, there are different words for "or" depending on whether you're asking a question or stating a fact) and as for reading Mandarin? Highly unlikely! As in, that's not gonna happen! We're using Pimsleur on our commutes and Ariel is picking it up from us.

According to the chart above, Mandarin speakers use more of their brains than English speakers. But is this a good thing? After all, if we're using so much more of our brains to speak Mandarin, will we have enough grey matter left to worry/fret/ponder/speculate/agonize over the wait??

What of after the wait, you may ask? If memory serves, when a baby joins the family there's an immediate loss of interest in adult matters (politics-shmalitics, etc.) and a sudden avid interest in such riveting subjects as bodily functions and sleep. Forget the NY Times bestseller list. We'll be reading "Goodnight Moon" and "Everybody Poops". I remember spending an inordinant amount of time listing the benefits of Huggies versus, say, Pampers. Not to mention giving excited reports about the contents of said diapers. "Time" suddenly becomes not a magazine but a measure of sleep. Ours. Hers. Especially ours.

My prediction: we will love every minute of it!! I can't wait!

Get Out The Vote!

For some people, yesterday was the potential apocolypse... although someone pointed out to me that 6/6/6 added together equals 18, which is "chai" in Hebrew and that means "life" and thus good luck... so numerology may be in the eye of the beholder. But I digress. For us, yesterday was the four month anniversary of our LID.

As great as it was to hit this milestone it brought up other questions. How far in is four months? When we started this process (those golden days of last year when the wait was a mere six months) we'd have been two-thirds into the wait. Now, we don't have a clue. So I created the poll (to your right) to see what everyone out there in cyberland might think.

Let us know what you think. Every vote counts!

Here's Ariel after her last performance, with her best friends. Note the ladybugs on the flower wrapping!! They're everywhere!!!

"Anytime Annie"

Allow me to gush for a moment. Ariel performed the role of "Anytime Annie" in 42nd Street this weekend, at a local theater, and she was amazing! Okay, I am admittedly biased but from all accounts, including completely objective strangers, she kicked stage butt! Not only is she talented (she sings! she dances! she acts!) but she's completely confident and fearless on stage. No photos were allowed in the theater so I don't have any from the show, but you get the idea... She's got attitude to spare! (luckily, rarely does she give us 'tude... she saves it for the shows)

I'm really proud of her commitment and tenacity. She worked very hard for months, rehearsing, taking tap and dance lessons, four days a week (on top of school and religious school). I can't wait to bring Kavanna to her shows!

Real live ladybugs!

<----A REAL LADYBUG (and above)
















Since learning about the "good luck" aspect of ladybugs with respect to Chinese adoption (where does this idea come from; does anyone know???) I've seen ladybugs painted on vases, ladybug toys, ladybug art, ladybug clothing, but never a real, live ladybug... until now. Just in this past week we've seen two of them. One (above, fuzzily captured on my handy cell-phone) was walking - yes, walking - on the sidewalk, and wasn't too keen on getting photographed. David kneeled on the sidewalk trying to snap a photo of this moving target, looking as intent as a photographer at a Vogue shoot, I'm sure. We must have seemed way strange to passersby, aiming our camera at the sidewalk! The other ladybug landed on one of our screen doors. Somehow I only managed to capture half of it on film. Anyway, if ladybugs are a sign of good luck... BRING IT ON!!

THE GOOD: What is good about this wait? Well, uh…. thinking, here… (short pause for mental acrobatics) ...well, putting a positive spin on this extended wait, it gives us more time to accomplish things. We can complete our backyard rennovation. David and I can both finish our novels. We can leisurely prepare the nursery. We can save more money and thus justify business class tickets to China. I can knit/crochet even more hats and scarves to give to the orphanage. We can become fluent in Mandarin (and hope that Kavanna does not speak Cantonese!).

THE BAD: We want Kavanna (and possibly her sister) now!! Our family is ready to give love to our daughter/sister now. Waiting is emotionally stressful, and stress is unhealthy. Therefore it's detrimental to our overall emotional and physical well-being to wait.

THE UGLY: I have turned into an obsessive-compulsive addict. I keep telling myself not to go onto the Rumor Queen site. I'm quite stern with myself: DO NOT GO ON THE RUMOR QUEEN SITE. NOTHING HAS BEEN POSTED THERE. IT'S BEEN THREE MINUTES. THERE IS NO MORE NEWS. Then I convince myself that one little peek can't hurt. Just a quick look and I won't look again for at least an hour. Of course, it doesn't work out that way. When I'm not on the site, I'm wondering about the site. This, of course, creates stress (see above).

Ladybug sighting!

At the end of the day yesterday, after what was a quite trying and disappointing day (for all of us waiting families, probably), I picked up my daughter from religious school and saw these "ladybugs" on the wall . I took a photo from my phone and only managed to capture about a quarter of this huge piece of artwork made by some of the younger kids. In all, there were about twenty ladybugs. I took it as a reminder that good things are coming... for all of us... and to keep the faith. So I'm sharing the ladybugs with the cyberworld... may they bring some luck to all of us...!

Impatient Rose

The name of the flower suits my mood. If there was a such thing as a "heartsick" rose or a "defeated" rose or a "really pissed off" rose or a "frustrated" rose, I could make a whole bouquet. Basically, the reason for my distress is that the CCAA has just announced they have matched families with LIDs through June 15, 2005. Nine days of referrals this time. Part of me is truly thrilled for those families and happy for them that their wait is over. And, okay, I'll say it: I'm highly envious! The other part of me just wants to scream in frustration. Not only are we facing the probability of an 18 month wait (minimum), we'll have to go back into paperwork hell again, redoing fingerprints, our homestudy, our I-171H, which is incredibly stressful and costly and makes me feel as if we're sliding backwards instead of going foward. It's as if someone is dangling a proverbial carrot in front of us and just keeps moving it away as we get closer.

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

We had a wonderful Shabbat dinner with our friends Bren and Curtis, and their sons Austin and Darren, and.... Emily, who's been home from China almost two months. Her brothers are teenagers, and they adore her. Emily is two years old and incredibly outgoing and happy. She dazzled us with her huge and infectious grin. She kept giving a "thumb's up" (but she kept her forefinger extended, so it looked as if she was pulling a trigger). So cute!! And very smart, too! Just an adorable little personality! What struck me was how seamlessly she fits into the family, as if she has always been there. There's no question that she is exactly where she belongs. I believe in the red thread!!