THE GOOD: What is good about this wait? Well, uh…. thinking, here… (short pause for mental acrobatics) ...well, putting a positive spin on this extended wait, it gives us more time to accomplish things. We can complete our backyard rennovation. David and I can both finish our novels. We can leisurely prepare the nursery. We can save more money and thus justify business class tickets to China. I can knit/crochet even more hats and scarves to give to the orphanage. We can become fluent in Mandarin (and hope that Kavanna does not speak Cantonese!).

THE BAD: We want Kavanna (and possibly her sister) now!! Our family is ready to give love to our daughter/sister now. Waiting is emotionally stressful, and stress is unhealthy. Therefore it's detrimental to our overall emotional and physical well-being to wait.

THE UGLY: I have turned into an obsessive-compulsive addict. I keep telling myself not to go onto the Rumor Queen site. I'm quite stern with myself: DO NOT GO ON THE RUMOR QUEEN SITE. NOTHING HAS BEEN POSTED THERE. IT'S BEEN THREE MINUTES. THERE IS NO MORE NEWS. Then I convince myself that one little peek can't hurt. Just a quick look and I won't look again for at least an hour. Of course, it doesn't work out that way. When I'm not on the site, I'm wondering about the site. This, of course, creates stress (see above).

Ladybug sighting!

At the end of the day yesterday, after what was a quite trying and disappointing day (for all of us waiting families, probably), I picked up my daughter from religious school and saw these "ladybugs" on the wall . I took a photo from my phone and only managed to capture about a quarter of this huge piece of artwork made by some of the younger kids. In all, there were about twenty ladybugs. I took it as a reminder that good things are coming... for all of us... and to keep the faith. So I'm sharing the ladybugs with the cyberworld... may they bring some luck to all of us...!

Impatient Rose

The name of the flower suits my mood. If there was a such thing as a "heartsick" rose or a "defeated" rose or a "really pissed off" rose or a "frustrated" rose, I could make a whole bouquet. Basically, the reason for my distress is that the CCAA has just announced they have matched families with LIDs through June 15, 2005. Nine days of referrals this time. Part of me is truly thrilled for those families and happy for them that their wait is over. And, okay, I'll say it: I'm highly envious! The other part of me just wants to scream in frustration. Not only are we facing the probability of an 18 month wait (minimum), we'll have to go back into paperwork hell again, redoing fingerprints, our homestudy, our I-171H, which is incredibly stressful and costly and makes me feel as if we're sliding backwards instead of going foward. It's as if someone is dangling a proverbial carrot in front of us and just keeps moving it away as we get closer.

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

We had a wonderful Shabbat dinner with our friends Bren and Curtis, and their sons Austin and Darren, and.... Emily, who's been home from China almost two months. Her brothers are teenagers, and they adore her. Emily is two years old and incredibly outgoing and happy. She dazzled us with her huge and infectious grin. She kept giving a "thumb's up" (but she kept her forefinger extended, so it looked as if she was pulling a trigger). So cute!! And very smart, too! Just an adorable little personality! What struck me was how seamlessly she fits into the family, as if she has always been there. There's no question that she is exactly where she belongs. I believe in the red thread!!

Brown Envelope!

The United States Consulate General in Guangzhou officially knows we exist! We received the "brown envelope" today, which included a case number and paperwork (Petitian to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative) which we will fill out in China. A lot of the paperwork is in both Chinese and English, which somehow seemed to make this adoption seem more real, if that makes sense.

I posted recently on a message board that sometimes this seems as if this adoption is just a dream, and that it will never actually happen. Sometimes I'm afraid something will go wrong and this will just be another terrible disappointment. Probably my way of protecting myself, after losing a pregnancy that took so much to create, but it's a hard feeling to shake. Like in "The Lost Daughters of China" when the author is afraid of angering the gods by buying baby stuff. I can totally relate to that!!

The brown envelope is so tangible and real, and it's making the adoption seem more real, too.

Funny!!

We went to a very funny play on Saturday night called GLORY PIE. The press release says it's about "Chinese adoption, the Australian invasion of Hollywood, unexpected pregnancy, infertility, a lingerie model and Glory Pie, and adds up to a hilarious, high-pitched, politically incorrect wild night in the theater."

We agree. The play was hysterical. If you're in the Los Angeles area, check it out. It's playing at the Coronet Theater or check out the Glory Pie website.

Daddy and the ladybugs...

David pulled me into Gymboree the other day, just to "take a look around." Shortly thereafter, he completely lost all perspective and insisted on buying every single item with a ladybug on it. I told him that Kavanna will be a girly-girl like her sister and wear pink (at least, while I still have some sartorial sway) but he was on a mission. Kavanna now has a shiny red ladybug purse, some gold metallic ladybug sandals, and socks with... yeah, you guessed it, ladybugs. She also has ladybug hairclips and a teeshirt. The girl is gonna be stylin'!!

Thank You, Cybershower Pal

Okay, how cute is this? A pink bunny with a robe (check out the bunny booties), a hooded towel, some baby washcloths, and a lobster teething ring. These are from my cybershower pal, Heather, who sent all these adorable gifts for the January DTC group's first cybershower. Thank you, Heather!! Go, Precious Pandas!