Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Our homestudy update is (almost complete). YAYYYYYYY!!!! We were dreading it, as we mistakenly thought we'd have to do a whole new paperchase from the beginning. Turns out that's not the case. We sent copies of all our forms to the USCIS plus a hefty check (I've gotten used to those hefty checks - between the adoption and the bat mitzvah, we're parting with some serious moolah), and our social worker came to do the homestudy update and that's it. We have our physicals next week but aside from that, we're done.
Does a little voice in my head worry about the physicals? Am I afraid to "count my chickens"? As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac I confess I'm always worried about what might happen. So far, all that worry has gotten me nothing but post-stay-up-all-night-worrying fatigue. I'm trying a new tactic: only worry when there's something to worry about.
What a concept! So for now, I'm happy.
We figure we'll see Kavanna's face in about seven months. Seems like it's eons away. And it also seems as if it's right around the corner.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I haven't been posting as much, lately. Partly because I've been very busy with my private practice and planning Ariel's bat mitzvah. Partly because I've had a crisis of....hmmm, what do you call it if you're a secular person... a crisis of faith? Belief? Trust?
I've debated whether or not to post on the site, but maybe I'm not the only one who's experienced these feelings. Either way, I'm putting it out there into cyberspace. Last week I was gripped by a sudden and overwhelming fear. Our life is basically perfect as it is... we have an amazing daughter, professions that are meaningful, time to write (our creative outlets)... what if adding another child messes everything up? What if instead of adding to our lives, she sucks the life out of us? What if we're making a terrible mistake?
I felt stuck. Scared. Horrified by these thoughts, even as I knew I had to explore them.
After talking with David and really thinking about it, I recognized these fears for what they are: normal. I remember having the same worries when I was pregnant with Ariel. Now, when I look at her, when we talk, when I consider how my universe opened up the moment she was born, how I can't actually remember what life was like before her... I can only smile at my fears.
So now I'm feeling more balanced about everything, looking forward to Kavanna's arrival (when??) but recognizing that it's okay to feel a spectrum of feelings about adding to our family.
Whew, what a rollercoaster ride.