Journey To Kavanna

...Cause the countdown has begun!! The CCAA referred a whopping ten days of referrals (I read they haven't done that in 15 months) which means they have referred through January 22, 2006. Yeah, the number of referrals is about the same but it sure feels like we're making more progress. Due to Chinese New Year virtually nobody was logged in between January 28 and February 6. Which means.... there are only five more days of LIDs ahead of us and we're more than likely going to get our referral in August!!

August. Two months from now. Suddenly we can see the finish line ahead of us after a seemingly interminable wait. Yesterday was our 28 month LID "anniversary". Somehow "28 months" sound shorter than "two years and four months".

We're finally putting together the nursery... we have to do a second home study (for our third I-171H)... but we are getting there!!!!!

The end of the tunnel is in sight. I can hardly believe it.

I am so excited. And slightly terrified.

I remember being in labor with Ariel and being driven to the hospital before I gave birth (a long 36 hours later) and I was absolutely ecstatic that I was about to see my daughter's face for the first time, and completely petrified about what would happen next. Would I know what to do with her? Would I be attuned to her? Would I be able to distinguish her hungry cry from her angry cry? Would I ever sleep again? Would I love her? Would I resent her? Would my life ever be the same again? Would I want it to be? Did the people at the hospital know they would be entrusting an infant to the care of someone who was clueless about babies? What did it mean to be a mommy?

Fourteen years later, the best fourteen years of my life because I have shared them with my amazing daughter, I am feeling the same mix of anticipation and fear... but this time I have a husband by my side, who is my b'sherit, the love of my life, and I have the knowledge that motherhood is a wild, unpredictable and utterly wonderful ride. I can't wait to start again with Kavanna.