Scary

David (who is okay) got in a serious car accident last week. It was pouring rain and he was driving home on the freeway. A driver in the fast lane lost control of his truck and crashed into David's car. They careened and spun across three lanes before crashing into the guard rail. Miraculously, as this was a Los Angeles freeway that's always busy, the cars in the other lanes were able to get out of the way, so nobody else was involved in the accident. David's car was smashed on both sides but he was fine. The truck driver and his wife also walked away, shaken, but safe. The truck driver was horrified and weeping. He kept saying, "I could have killed you. We could have all been killed."

David drives a Lexus and I honestly think it saved his life, as it's such a strong, safe vehicle. Had he been in a compact car or a less sturdy vehicle, he would probably not have made it home that day.

Please drive carefully, everybody, and be safe.

I am sick...

I am sick... in the literal sense, as in "I need chicken soup" kind of sniffling, coughing up a lung, being too stuffed up to sleep, looking at the world through red watery eyes kind of sick. Ugh.

I am sick... of waiting. Our agency updated the family portion of their site today and said that 2009 (yes, 0-NINE) will be a good year. Yes, we are only nine days into 2008 but apparently things won't pick up for another year. Meaning that the wait will continue to lengthen and we may be lucky to go to China this year.

I am sick... of the uncertainty. We chose China because we really wanted another girl and we wanted a baby girl The wait at that time was six months and had been for some time. The average age referred was around 11-12 months. We qualified for AYAP. First the wait changed, then there were more boys referred, and now toddlers are being referred to people who qualify (and requested) a baby. Suddenly I have to worry about being referred a toddler boy!!

I want to get into bed and pull the covers over my head. Wake me up when it's time to go to China. Blech.

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

I borrowed this from Di & Dave's blog for Sophie (www.sophieonmymind.blogspot.com). For some reason my link option wasn't working. Anyway, it was incredibly accurate (I am a psychotherapist and LOVE my husband!) so I had to share!

Predictions 2008

And the winner of the Presidential election will be.....

No, I'm not making THOSE kinds of predictions! Although if my friend Nancy has anything to do with it, her great friend from her days at Harvard Law and Law Review will be our next President... she was with Barack in Chicago when he announced his candidacy and has campaigned tirelessly for him all year. No matter where your loyalties lie, it's wonderful to see people who are true believers out there working hard for what they believe in and making sacrifices for something bigger than themselves, the future of our country! I'm proud of my friend Nancy!

Now, onto the predictions for referrals 2008:

The CCAA has referred an average of 100 RQ families per month so I'm basing this on the latest RQ poll.

REFERRAL
MONTH LID DATE
January - December 19, 2005 (60 families)
February - December 25, 2005 (132 families)
March - December 31, 2005 (101 families)
April - January 6, 2006 (101 families)
And here's where I have a good case and a bad case scenario
May - January 12, 2006 (131 families) or January 11, 2006 (77)
June - January 19, 2006 (105) or January 15, 2006 (93)
July - January 26, 2006 (114) or January 23, 2006 (111)
August - February 6, 2006 (99) or February 5, 2006 (92)
September - February 12th + (84+) or February 11, 2006 (104)

As yucky as these predictions are, hopefully they are realistic. What happened to the CCAA promising they would start referring 15 day batches? Oh yeah, the same thing that happened when they promised a 12 month wait time and said 24 months was unacceptable...

My hopes for a May or June referral have been dashed. I now think it'll be either August or September. That means our third homestudy. Our social worker is practically a member of the family at this point!

When???

If things continue to go as they have been (and that's a big "if") I am anticipating a June referral. Best case scenario, there's a bit of a speed-up and we get our referral in May. Anything else... well, it's too ghastly to contemplate. Our LID is 2/06/06. When do you think we'll get our referral??

 When???? When will our referral arrive?

• 
  
  May 2008


• 
  
  June 2008


• 
  
  July 2008


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  August 2008


• 
  
  I don't want to go there

view results
Free vote poll

FCC Waiting Families Event

Sunday we attended a get-together organized by our local FCC. Ariel has absconded with the camera so I can't post photos yet, but this approximates the golden pig piggybank that everyone got as gifts :). The event was really nice and it's so meaningful to connect with other people who truly can relate to the agony of this long wait (did I say "long"? I meant, interminable). We saw some friends we met at the LA Waiting Parents dim sum brunch and met some new people, too. Jeri and Susan of the FCC did a tremendous job that was much appreciated!

LID Anniversary (12/06)

Last Thursday was our 22 month LID anniversary. I was so underwhelmed by this event that I could not post anything. Also, I was busy being happy for the people who got their referrals.

Okay, truth. I was happy to hear about referrals, but yes, I admit it, I was also feeling jealous and envious of the parents who got their referrals. I then felt terrible for experiencing that kind of envy. Of course, I spend my professional life assuring people that feelings are not to be judged and to respect and understand their feelings, so I know my reaction was part of being human. Still, it seems wrong to be so downright jealous of other people's happiness. What kind of a monstrous bitch am I??

I guess I'm someone who's been paper pregant for 22 frickin' months.

Will we ever get our referral? We're in a perennial state of being 10 months away. ARGHHHH.

Present Time!

Ariel is very happy with her Chanukah gift, a red iPod Nano. She likes that part of the proceeds of the red Nano go to AIDS research. Look at that smile!

Seven more days of Chanukah remain... which means seven more gifts. No wonder she's smiling.

Happy Chanukah or... Hannukah... or...

Tuesday December 4th is the first night of Chanuka. We hope that by next year, we'll have Kavannah with us to celebrate this holiday. For those of you who don't know what it's all about, here's the story:

SHORT VERSION: They tried to kill us. We fought. We won. Let's eat.

(this version applies to all Jewish holidays without exception)

LONG VERSION: About 2200 years ago, Greek kings, who reigned from Damascus, ruled over the land of Judea and the Jews living there. One king forbade the Jewish people from praying to their God, practicing their customs, and studying their Torah. He forced the Jews to worship the Greek gods. It is said that he placed an idol of the Greek God Zeus on the alter in the Holy Temple of Jerusalem.

In response to this persecution, Judah Maccabee and his four brothers organized a group of resistance fighters known as the Maccabees. They fought against paganism and oppression. The tenacity of the rebels, which came from their steadfast faith in one God, is one reason this military victory has been so celebrated by Jews in future generations.

In one battle, Judah's small army was intimidated by the size of the enemy army and Judah told them to have faith that God was on their side: But when they saw the army coming to meet them, they said unto Judah: 'What? shall we be able, being a small company, to fight against so great and strong a multitude? ...'

And Judah said: 'It is an easy thing for many to be shut up in the hands of a few, and there is no difference in the sight of Heaven to save by many or by few; for victory in battle standeth not in the multitude of an host, but strength is from Heaven. They come unto us in fullness of insolence and lawlessness, to destroy us and our wives and our children, for to spoil us; but we fight for our lives and our laws. And He Himself will discomfort them before our face; but as for you, be yet not afraid of them." (The First Book of Maccabees)

Against great odds, after three years of fighting, the Maccabees succeeded in driving the Greco-Syrians out of Judea. Hanukkah proclaims the message of the prophet Zachariah: "Not by might, not by power, but by My spirit." The Maccabees reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. They cleaned the Temple, removing the Greek symbols and statues. When Judah and his followers finished cleaning the temple, they rededicated it. On the 25th day of the month of Kislev in 164 BCE, the Temple was purified and rededicated. According to tradition, when the Maccabees entered the Holy Temple, they discovered that the Greco-Syrians had defiled the oil which was used to Temple's menorah. Only one vat of purified oil remained - enough for only one day. It would take the Jews a week to process more purified oil. Then a miracle occurred.

The Maccabees lit the menorah and it burned for not one, but eight days, by which time the new, purified oil was ready. This is why the Hanukkah Menorah has eight candles (not including the shamash candle used to light the others) and one reason why Jews celebrate Hanukkah for eight days.

Puttin' On The Ritz

We are so bummed that when we get to Guangzhou the famous White Swan Hotel will be closed for renovations. At this point we HOPE it will be closed, since I think it reopens in late 2008 and we want to be there by Summer 2008 or... ?

But this month the Ritz Carlton is opening up its new hotel in Guangzhou!!

We won't have a "Red Couch" photo. But maybe a taupe/yellow striped couch photo?

Doesn't have the same ring, somehow. Still, it looks like a beautiful hotel.

Lost & Found

Our 21 month LID anniversary is Tuesday. Looks as if the CCAA matched through December 8, 2005. I'm happy for those families but discouraged overall. I'm losing hope (at times) that this adoption will ever happen. I'm losing patience with how long it's taking. Kavanna is somewhere in China... when, oh when, will we find her?

New York Times Article

In yesterday's New York Times magazine there was an article about the families of children adopted internationally looking for their children's birth families. One mother told of her Chinese daughter, who sent balloons up into the air towards China each year along with a message for her birthmother, assuring her that she had a good life in America. When the mother searched for her daughter's birth family, she learned first that the birth mother was dead, and the man claiming to be the father (he said he had an affair with the birth mother) failed a DNA test. The daughter was heartbroken and the mother now longs for the days when they optimistically sent balloons to China...

I have mixed feelings about the concept of finding birthparents. On the one hand I respect the need for (some) adoptees to know where they came from, to have some connection to the people to whom they are biologically connected, and even to know pragmatic things such as medical history. On the other hand, the reality of those connections can be devastatingly disappointing. I can't imagine the disappointment of people searching for birthmothers who ultimately reject them or, in one of the situations described in the article, basically just want to get money. Or to find a birth family with whom communication is difficult, not only because of language differences, but because the cultural differences are impossible to overcome.

It's a tough question. What are your thoughts?

Waiting Parents Dim Sum Extravaganza

We had the pleasure of meeting a lot of other waiting families today... and feasting on dim sum... it was great to talk to other people who are waiting, and who "get it" (unlike so many well intentioned friends, family members, co-workers, et al). A huge THANK YOU to Di and Beth for their thoughtful gifts and for organizing this wonderful event!





David and Nina at one of the two tables of waiting families. That's Di and Dave behind us.

Not a chicken claw in sight (although we were offered them and declined graciously)

Some new friends at the table... Betsy, Laura and her daughter Laina, Kathy and Dianne.

Di and Dave and Dave, who's married to Kris, who's out of camera range. Yes, any guy who wanted to sit with us had to be named David!

20 month LID anniversary

As of yesterday, October 6th, we have been in this long, interminable line for 20 months.

Grrrrrrrrr.

I'm just incredibly irritated right now. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that my six month old MacBook just crashed to the point that the service person I called at Mac had never encountered this kind of problem, and in addition my car has a flat tire.

But still... 20 months when we thought it would be six. People have stopped asking us about "the baby". I'm starting to believe it will never happen.

Famous or Infamous??

Ariel and I were having an afterschool snack at a little outdoor cafe in our neighborhood, noticing that there were lots of film crew types walking around. Turned out they were taping Kim Kardashian's reality TV show. Consider the weirdness of someone being famous and getting her own show simply for being best friends with Paris Hilton. Bizarre! Add to that the fact that Paris Hilton is famous for being...uh, rich? Obnoxious? Narcissistic? Perhaps Andy Warhol was right about that fifteen minutes of fame.

As we were pondering this, Sharon and Ozzie Ozbourne walked past and went into a nearby store. Ariel said, "Ozzie Ozbourne? Wow. He's like the most famous DRUG ADDICT that ever lived."

I reminded her that he's also a famous musician. She wasn't impressed.

We went into the store, too, ostensibly to browse but really because we wanted to see what the most famous drug addict looks like up close and personal (and people, it's not pretty). Sharon was talking to her dogs on her cell phone and telling Kim Kardashian that some of her crew members worked on their show as well.

Two days from now I'll be comparing psychoanalytic theories (classical v. relational), discussing Freud and the clinical implications of the analytic frame. The juxtaposition of my two worlds is really weird.

19 Month LID Anniversary

I just realized that last Thursday (September 6, 2007) was our 19 month LID anniversary. Also the two year anniversary of our official acceptance by GWCA. It basically slipped my mind until now.

Nineteen months. Sigh.

Why Women Need Chocolate

So the CCAA has referred four months in this past year. Sigh. An already interminable wait stretches before all waiting families. For us the prospect of a referral seems almost unreal, like a desert mirage. The closer we get, the farther we are. It's enough to make a person turn to... what else... CHOCOLATE. As a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders I normally encourage people to process difficult feelings instead of numbing them with chocolate, but sometimes a girl's just gotta have chocolate.

Recently I discovered these amazing calcium chocolates. They taste exactly like chocolate and they have 500 mg of calcium in each bite. And since women need calcium, women need these chocolates. Yes, guilt-free chocolate actually exists!

I can imagine what you might be thinking: chocolate that's actually good for you? It's amazing, it's impossible, what's next? Zero calorie ice cream? Exercising in your sleep? The proverbial pigs with wings? The CCAA referring more than seven days at once, consistently?

Hey, if guilt-free chocolate exists, then anything is possible.

Am I crazy, or what?

I've always planned to go back to school to get a doctorate in psychoanalysis. At some point during this long wait I decided not to put my life on hold and applied. Today I found out that I was accepted into the program. Classes are only once a week, and David will work from home on the day that I'm in school so that Ariel and Kavanna (when she arrives) will always have a parent. I'll have to juggle raising a teenager and (next year) a baby with being in analysis four times a week (the mainstay of psychoanalysis) and my private practice, but I can do it!!

I admit to feelings of guilt about this decision. I've waited so long for Kavanna. Shouldn't I drop everything and be her mom 24 hours a day, which I did for Ariel? Or can I be a different kind of mom? The difference between raising Ariel and raising Kavanna is David, who will be there, and wants to be there, and is is a true partner as a parent.

Do I sound as if I'm trying to talk myself into something? Maybe.

Can women have it all? Can men? I'd like to think so. You tell me: am I crazy, or what?

A new life for Ying!

Several weeks ago this baby, Ying, needed two surgeries before she had even a hope of leading a normal life. I'm thrilled to report that Ying's first surgery was successful and she does not need a second surgery!! She is going to grow up to be healthy (and she's clearly already happy).

Look at how cute she is! A huge THANKS to everyone who helped make this possible.

If you'd like to help other babies and children like Ying, please check out the Love Without Boundaries website. Even a donation of $10 a month can make a difference!

18 month LID anniversary

This is a dove of peace, which is Rosie's idea... I love the idea of spreading the spirit of peace around the world!

Yes, it's been eighteen months since we were logged in, and 24 months since the day we contacted Great Wall China Adoption agency. Time flies when you're.... um, waiting?

In Judaism, the number 18 signifies "chai" or "life", so today we're celebrating and cherishing the lives we have, and looking forward to the life that will be coming into our hearts next year.

(next year, yeah!!)

I want to thank everyone who posted their support and understanding for the loss of our dog Roy. I don't know how to express this without sounding trite, but your words and sentiments were so meaningful to me (and us) and so healing. Thank you so very much for helping our family through this difficult time!